Like an ever-flowing stream...

Today and everyday...

2009-11-13T08:51:00.000-08:00

I love working at CDP, wish it could be more often. I have to start again come 11, and I'm really just wanting to start now. I have to admit, I'm really going to miss Tom after he retires. He's been good to me, and, well, the projects will also die when he leaves. I wish I could take them up, but as university regulations are in place, they are not going to replace him after he leaves.

It's sad. I've learned so much at this job about the dairy industry and now that I'm facing the end, I don't know how to explain how much this job really changed and shaped me. I want to express in some way to Tom that I really did start to define myself and what I like to do within this job. However, how to go about saying that and not sound too sappy is going to be hard. After all, I tend to get sappy and stupid about such things... then I try to change that and sound detached and distant.

I'll figure it out.

Had an interview on Wednesday with the awesome job. Have yet to hear back. Sent thank you's in the mail and hope that doesn't deter them from picking me... It's so hard to explain that this is such an awesome job and I sooooo want it... knowing that everyone single other person was saying the same exact thing. Grrr...

Other jobs on the back burner: Transportation services was a bust. They went with another temp company.
School of Nursing: The one place that has too much money and is looking to spend, spend, spend. I knew I should have gotten a nursing degree... anyway, got another drafting letter from them with no information on how the hell to get my resume to them. If they want me that bad, why can't they provide that info? I must have sounded like an idiot on the phone though, so maybe now they don't want me. (Leaving a message, I suck at talking to machines when I'm not prepared)

Anyway, I should get to work, seeing how I have like 10 minutes now to get up there.

I should start just randomly recording myself speaking to get used to leaving messages. One would think I would be much better now. Whenever I'm in the office, I'm always drafting something on paper, just in case. *sigh* It is a good day, really, it is.

jobs and such

2009-09-05T19:49:00.000-07:00

So, I haven't done much to write in this blog, though a number of you know what's going on.

I have found a job. A crappy job, but a job none-the-less. I say crappy not because I hate what I do. In fact, if it weren't for certain management, I would love my job. I currently sit in a room, far away from costumers, making pretty things for people to buy and eat. I get all the veggies and fruit I could want and if I'm so bold, I can manage an egg or piece of ham. I've learned how to cut fruit so fast that I definitely could handle all of the fruit for any fondue parties in the future. I work hard and they are thinking of making me full time which would mean benefits and definitely 30 hours a week.

The crappy part: My boss is picking on me. By boss, I mean the store manager. See, the lead in my department had her last day today. It makes me sad. She was a wonderful person who made going to work fun. She understood that this is not my calling in life but also felt that hard work should be rewarded and pushed for full time for me. Currently Roundy's has a hiring freeze on full time workers. But full time would make it so I could stop looking for work for a bit and take a break. I could pay my bills and not have the worries I've been having.

However, this has made me target number one for the store manager and without my lead there to protect me, I'm getting crap hours. I worked till 9 (scheduled for 10) tonight. I worked m butt off so we could leave early. I worked a different store in Sun Prairie and tomorrow I have to come in at 6 AM. I should really be falling into bed right now, but as it turns out I don't feel sleepy. I'm going to be worth crap tomorrow morning, I just know it.

Personally I have issue with this and hate knowing that I won't be able to give my 200% like normal. I also for some unknown reason am working not only a night this week but a weekend (Saturday) as well. They don't have enough people for days and they are putting on a night and a weekend... when I don't want it!!

Low and behold, it's the store manager (who forced me to work in Sun Prairie, who is forcing me to be his bitch for the time being) who made the schedule. I hate it, and I hate him for it. I'm currently waiting for a new lead, and for full time status. I'm hoping the new lead will mean that I don't have to work weekends or nights anymore... Otherwise, I'm looking for work again. With this experience I can look to catering and reception staff. I will not be treated like this for long. If the bar is set lower, I can find another job... If anything, Sentry, I'm looking your way!

Other than this, I'm living back in Madtown and I'm having some good times with my SO. He's sweet and caring and takes time to let me vent of stupid dealings with my job.

If any of this rant made sense, then you have heard it from me before or you are way too close to what I do for a living.

Oh, officially, I'm a salad bar clerk. I work in pre-cut and I make those veggie trays and stuff like that in the produce section. So, this weekend, if you bought a cut watermelon quarter, or picked up some veggies for the grill, think of me and the time I placed into them. Or at least know that I take some pride in my work, even if the environment sucks currently.

And like always, if you hear of anything in the way of a UW job (or a job that is related to environmental studies, bioethics, demographics, statistical analysis, clerical/secretarial jobs, anything involving being an assistant to a dean) please let me know ASAP. I also would love to work for a non-profit. Most non-profits I can get behind their mission, but I'd want to review first.

Thanks all and have a pleasant tomorrow.

Berry Sorbet with Splenda

2009-08-14T16:17:00.000-07:00

INGREDIENTS (Nutrition)

1 cup SPLENDA® Granular
1 cup water
1 1/2 cups frozen blueberries, thawed
1 1/2 cups frozen blackberries, thawed
1/2 cup frozen raspberries, thawed
1/2 cup heavy cream (optional)

DIRECTIONS

In a large measuring cup, dissolve Splenda in water.
In a food processor or blender, puree berries until smooth, adding sweetened water gradually. Pour in cream, and pulse until blended.
Pour mixture into ice cream machine and let freeze until mixture is very thick. Eat some right away! Then freeze the rest.

FOOTNOTE

As with most homemade frozen desserts, this one freezes very solid. Using the microwave to defrost it some will do the trick.

Special note: I got this off of alrecipes.com and it's called Berry Burst Sorbet. We have not tried it yet. I'll let you all know what I think.

101 posts

2009-03-26T03:04:00.000-07:00

Celebrating 100 posts can be a big deal. Not for me, but it helps to put this up here as well.

Some of you might be following in Facebook or whatever. I have no clue. But if you are following there and you see me mention www.lelahgoestojapan.blogspot.com, just know it's the same thing as here. It's just so other people can see it as well.

Thanks!

Japan, Day 3 and 4

2009-03-25T07:44:00.001-07:00

Konichiwa!

Yesterday we went to Kyoto. It was amazing. So amazing in fact that I'm going to write about it and today's venture to the Falls of Akame later. I'm tired and it's a lot later than my blog says it is.

Sayonara!

Japan, Day 3

2009-03-24T02:03:00.000-07:00

So what does it say when I think of Mike the first time I get to Kyoto and see this?

Reference point, what is just outside the rail station.

When PIGIONS attack!

Jakof Smirnoff has entered Japan, If Kyoto, Japan, life lives you!
The Cherry blossoms were just coming out:

Monkeys this way!

Enter the monkey park.

From the top of the hill, the tower outside the station is in the center.
MONKEYS!

Awesome place to eat.

Zen garden

Marketplace

Dinner!

Konichiwa!

Well, I missed writing yesterday, but that’s because of all the crazy traveling we did. Not to mention, I was exhausted (going to bed at 10:00, I might add). We woke up rather early to leave for Kyoto. We used the last of our limited express tokens to go there (taking all of 1h15m). Once in Kyoto, we made our way to the nearest international ATM. Yeah, I’ve already blown over $400 (thank you student loans). So we first went to see PIGIONS! Okay, not so exciting, and the temple was under renovation. We did walk around. It was quiet and somber.

Then we went to see MONKEYS!

Yes, MONKEYS needs to be screamed cause they were everywhere! (that and if PIGIONS had to be all caps, then MONKEYS does because they are so much more awesome than PIGIONS)

The hike was long and excruciating (like everywhere else we’ve been. I should have prepared better for this trip.) We took our first bus ride there (those seats are small). Well, first bus ride in Japan (it was funny to me that it was the 28). On our way up the hill we met some people from Uwaki (sp?) and at first I thought they said Milwaukee (sounds very much the same). At the top we saw tons of monkeys. Some old, some young, some male, some female, all of them were cute and rather quiet. There was a caged off area that had monkey treats for sale. Monkey treats are one of three things, apples, peanuts, or something I can’t remember at the moment.

The only time that the monkeys got loud at all was when you tried to feed one of the baby monkeys. Which of course, made me want to feed the little guys more. One of the baby monkeys was still attached to mama and would follow her for the most part. It was very cute.

Leaving we decided to get some food for ourselves. We found a great little place not too far from the monkey mountain, just over the bridge. I recommend it to anyone going to Japan. A picture of it can be seen at the bottom of this post (if I get this thing to actually upload some pictures). It had red lanterns all around and the wait-staff knew enough English to help us out. If you do end up going here (which I think if any of you go to Japan, you will go to Kyoto and if you go to Kyoto then you must visit monkey mountain, seriously), you’ll need to pay in advance. If you want some of the treat like stuff (it was ground rice with coloring I heard), that will come later. The food is absolutely delicious! I got curry udong (sp?) and I couldn’t help spilling on myself as I slurped.

After dinner, we went to a Zen garden where lots of places that looked interesting wanted at least 500 yen to go into. Well, we saw enough to know that it wasn’t worth it. I bought a charm for Jaime and we were off (it was a little bunny since he’s the year of the rabbit).

We then went to a market place that had tons of food and Jaime made me actually eat my words. I can now add eel organs to the foods that I’ve eaten.

**note for those who don’t know: before leaving for this trip I told Jaime two things. First was that under no circumstances are we to leave Japan without visiting Akiaharaba. Second, if he pays for it, I’ll eat it (if it’s food). end note**

So after this we were supposed to go to the Manga museum (first thing I’ve asked for all trip) and when we got there we found it was closing in 10 minutes. Well, that put me in a major foul mood (to say the least) and I wanted to go home asap.

We did, though I think both guys were worried that my anger was directed to them, though I said a number of times I was not angry at them. We returned to John’s apartment where I got a foot rub and we watched No Reservations about Tokyo and Japan in general. I did get a panda cup full of saki for dinner, though it wasn’t too good of saki. It was a good day, just a long one, ending on disappointment. After watching the show, I went to bed. I think the boys stayed up to watch the Daily Show or something.

Sayonara!

Japan, Day 2

2009-03-23T05:30:00.000-07:00

Lanterns

My fortune (IN ENGLISH)

Todaiji Temple

Buddha

Cherry blossoms!

Random people wanting to take their picture with me: count #1

Ack! Attacked by deer!

Manhole cover in Nara.

Awww, sooooo cuuuute!

Konichiwa!

Today we decided was a day where we could sleep in a little bit. However, I was up and ready to go earlier than yesterday (I think I was eager to get moving). Today’s forecast was sunny, so we spent the day going to Nara.

The way to Nara was full of train transfers. We saw quite a bit of countryside on our way out, not to mention the mountains in the distance. Once at Nara, we purchased some drinks and some lunch (sushi) and made our way out to Todaiji Temple. Todaiji Temple is the largest wooden structure in the world. Though it is 33% smaller in width than the original structure, it still holds this title. The building that stands currently is the 3rd generation and built during the Edo period (1615-1867). Inside, there is a huge Buddha painted in gold.

While entering the temple and grounds, I found that I needed to cover my arms (I was wearing a short-sleeved shit). I borrowed Jaime’s jacket, and while lighting incense, I burned 4 holes in the sleeve. While going inside, there were a number of students there (all male) running around, taking pictures.

Afterward, we walked outside the temple grounds and to the Kasuga Taisha. I received my fortune and tied it to a tree. Hopefully it will come true (see picture at end of this blogpost).

Further, outside the shrine there were a number of lanterns. Many different shapes and sizes, with different carved decorations on the outside of each of them, mostly noting deer that were all-over along the path.

That brings me to the next point; I cannot believe how many deer were around the area. When we first started walking, they were all over and when we bought some of the biscuits that you can feed them with, you can be mobbed. Jaime bought some then promptly gave them to me. I was then chased by 5 deer. Screaming, I threw most of the biscuits down and yelled at Jaime about how this was not funny.

While heading back, Jaime and John went to see the Kofuku-ji Five-Storey Pagoda while I stayed in the park to rest my feet. We went down, back to the station and found the Tonkatsu Ganko and ate to our full. For a cold day, the miso soup was wonderful. The fried doughnuts for desert were nice as well.

Today was a lot of walking, much more than yesterday (yet, I may be wrong on this). We returned home to watch No Reservations (about Osaka) and Firefly while drinking some rather nice, but cheap, saki. I bought a number of souvenirs and had a wonderful time. Kyoto is for tomorrow! I can’t wait since we saw cherry blossoms already today.

Sayonara!

Japan, Day 1

2009-03-22T07:41:00.000-07:00

Just so you know I'm not joking at the end of this post.

No, these are not chocolate covered pancakes with icing. They are eggs with different kinds of meat, covered with a soy sauce blend and mayo.

Street performer outside of aquarium

Aquarium, outside

Aquarium, inside

Yes, I even petted the rays and sharks.

Octopus and melon soda for lunch at aquarium

Scenery around Nabari

Drinks for sale. Token picture.

Ferris wheel in Osaka

Ferris wheel inside

My first hot drink in a can from a vending machine.

Konichiwa!

Today, I woke not really realizing where I was and why I was on the floor. After a bit my brain whispered, "You're in Japan." The plane ride was rather long (14 hours long I believe) and I was trapped sitting for almost the entire flight. (The guy on the aisle slept for almost the entire way.) We were fed pretty well, but it was strange to get “breakfast” on the plane, land, and realize it was evening. Jaime’s brother met us at the airport right outside the train stop. We got rail passes that are for visitors (5-day passes at a super deal. If you’re going to Japan, let me know and I’ll share the information with you) and got on the train. We had flown into Nagoya and we had to get to Nabari. The trip on express was a little over an hour, longer than I was told, but not a problem. We got “home” and I went to bed. (no being a night owl for me, it was 10:45 pm)
Today there was going to be rain, lots and lots of rain. So, with rain, rain and more rain in the forecast, we decided to go to neither Nara nor Kyoto. We decided upon Osaka, being that the aquarium there was awesome (according to our little guide book). We were not let down. I’ve now fulfilled a childhood promise to myself.
When I was a little girl, 5, 6 somewhere in there, I would read and page through the Jauc Custo books and think what it would be like to meet some of the water-life in the pictures. I would aways fix upon the parrotfish. I don’t know why, but I decided I wanted to see one. I told my mother, who promptly replied that I wouldn’t see one because they live in tropical climates. I think she thought I would never end up in a tropical climate or that I would never go to an aquarium like I did today. Well, not only did I see parrotfish, but a whale shark, manta ray, tons of jellyfish, and many other interesting animals. Jaime will be loading up the pictures soon, and I’ll get them up when I feel like it. ^_^
After the aquarium, we went outside and saw a street performer. It was interesting, funny, and killed a couple of minutes. After this I made sure that we went on the ferris wheel. Yes, the one that keeps popping up in some of the animes that I watch the tallest one in the world (in which it seems everyone in Japan has had their first date on). We waited for a clear one. It was cool but I’m wondering if it was worth the wait. We found out later we could have got our place in line and then gone shopping if we had wanted to. Yeah, when visiting Japan, it helps to have someone in your group can understand some Japanese.
After the ferris wheel, we went to get dinner at a place called Chibo. I don’t know if this was the entire name, however, the food was AWESOME! I was so full afterwards. Strange note #1: Apparently the Japanese like mayo on their eggs.
We went window shopping for a bit and after I whined about my feet being sore, we found a pub to sit and drink. Heading home after this, it turned out to be a rather awesome day. On top of it, the photos just finished uploading, so maybe I’ll add some to the post.

Sayonara!

PS: Weird Engrish (seen on signs, look for pictures. Seriously, not making it up)
"Kindly remind that taking your photo. only your camera is not acceptable."
"Coffee Boss: Suntory BOSS is the boss of them all since 1992" (better go tell Bruce Springsteen)
"Please do not disturb sunfish by taking photos with a flame of flashlight."
"Candy Stripper"

Okay, so some not Engrish, just f***in' hilarious!

Decided

2009-02-25T08:10:00.000-08:00

So, for a while I've contemplated what I should be doing for Lent. Being at this seminary, I feel like I should do something special, that might be supported by others and thus made easier through community support.

It's a thought anyway.

Last night I thought I would do the boring thing of removing chocolate from my diet and leave it at that. But I've already done this (freshman year of college). I even went to the extent of always having chocolate on me in my backpack and coat pockets so that I'd be ever tempted.

The following year, I removed all candy and ice cream from my diet. This as well wasn't so hard.

Junior year I vowed to not eat anything with corn syrup or processed sugar. This was difficult and you should have seen the spasm I had on Easter eating the ear of a chocolate bunny.

Senior year I removed processed foods completely which kept me on a fruit and vegetable diet. It nearly killed me. I found out that I do need to have something more than that in my diet. Yeah, then on Easter I had just a little chocolate and went into another sugar shock.

The next year, I vowed to only eat locally. I defined local as Wisconsin to make it a little easier on myself. I ate better than the previous year and it worked.

For those in seminary or religious who are reading this, you might be saying, well how did this bring you closer to God? Well, that's a private thing that I'm not just going to blurt out on this blog.

Well, then I took a break, cause I didn't know what to do next. Mostly, I followed what my dad did and ate fish on Fridays.

Today is Ash Wednesday and starting today I've decided that I'm going to eat nothing during the day. From sunrise to sunset, no food only water. From sunset to sunrise it will be plants (which will include rice milk) and seafood. This will put a damper on things I can do in Japan. I realize this, but the seafood thing in the evenings will make it easier once I'm in Japan to try new things. In my tradition, Sundays are not part of Lent are a time of rest. So, I won't be going hog wild (I will minimize what I eat during the day), but I'll allow myself to eat other forms of meat during the night to keep myself healthy.

What I would spend on groceries for the time that I'm doing this, I'm going to donate to a charity. I have no idea which yet, but I'll think of one. It's only going to be $50, but hey, it'll help someone. I might throw it at the Women's Center on campus.

For the final part of lent, I've decided to journal on how my actions reflect (or don't reflect) my theology. That's going to be rough and no, it will not be online. It'll be in my journal of which I can lock and keep people from snooping. Maybe some day when I'm distant enough I'll polish it for publication, but probably not. ^_^

So that's it. It's 11:26 and I'm hungry. I guess I'll have to get used to that. I'll also have to learn from previous mistakes and when Easter comes, not go out and eat the first sugar I can find. At least this will also make sure that my Girl Scout Cookies don't get eaten.

Yet another Meme: I'm doing it in blogger so I can't tag anyone!

2009-02-23T08:57:00.000-08:00

You know the drill! 40 ODD things about you! Learn 40 things about your friends and let them learn 40 things about you.

Just cause I'm bored at work:

1. Do you like blue cheese dressing? hell no

2. Have you ever smoked cigarettes? No, but I've always craved them. It's because of the craving I don't smoke. I'm afraid that if I start I'll have yet another addiction that is too expensive to keep up (if you don't know the others, shame on you).

3. Do you own a gun? No, but I am a good shot. I'm looking to get one in the future, just weighing the arguments at the moment.

4. What's your favorite drink at Starbucks or other specialty coffee shop? The Raspberry mocha whatever at Michelangelo's. It's sooo good and it doesn't taste like coffee. ^_^

5. What do you think of hot dogs? After I found out what's in them, I find them more disgusting than squid or octopus (both of which I have had).

6. Favorite Christmas movie? I really don't have one. I have ones that I hate (including It's a Wonderful Life, whenever that's on I feel like choking someone). However, I think I like the Christmas movie that includes a squirrel jumping out of a tree that a family went out to chop themselves. They end up driving under a semi at the beginning of the movie. I can't remember the name of the movie, but I tend to watch it for a while when it's on tv... now that's bugging me.

7. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee

8. Can you do push ups? Yes, and not just the girly ones. Don't ask how many though...

9. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? Probably my earrings with black onyx. I wear them practically every day. Not today cause I think Jaku decided to play hide-and-go-seek with them again.

10. Favorite hobbies? Reading, learning about new things, knitting, riding my bike, playing Rock Band, playing games in general, LARP, and watching anime (I think I sound like a nerd here...)

11. Do you have ADD? No, but my brother was misdiagnosed with it... my parents thought I had it just because the doctors thought my brother had it... heredity doesn't work that way, arg.

12. What's one trait that you hate about yourself? My temper. I get angry very quickly. I try to fix this and work on being nice to people. I can bottle it up very well, but that's not good in the long run.

13. Middle name? May: my mom wanted a little spring in winter (I'm born in winter)

14. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? I wonder how LaVerne's doing in the hospital. Coldplay makes me sad. I wonder who I can pit against St. Aquinas for the argument I'm constructing in my paper. (fourth freebie: X, why does my thesis poke it's ugly head into my procrastination?)

15. 3 drinks I drink most often? Milk, water, wine

16. Current worry right now? I won't finish my thesis in time.

17. Current hate(s) right now? The amount of work left for my classes. I really shouldn't be doing this, but I do need a break...

18. Favorite place to be? In my boo's arms. Okay, boo doesn't work... In Mr. Panda's arms???

19. How did you ring in the New Year? Playing Rock Band like a good nerd.

20. Like to Travel? I never find time or money to do it. I've done more traveling in this past year than I have in the last 10. I really like it, and hope to do more.

21. Name three people who will complete this? Like I know. Anyone at seminary who is bored/wants to procrastinate like I do.

22. Do you own slippers? Yes, pretty red ones with a gold floral pattern on them. However, they go with nothing I own (since all my red pj's went to the wayside) so I don't wear them.

23. What color shirt are you wearing? Brown, tan, and turquoise.

24. Could you ever make it 39 days on the show Survivor? I'd win for sure. If I wanted to be on that show enough to audition, I'd make sure I'd win. ^_^

25. What songs do you sing in the shower? Only while alone: Thank you (Dido) and Closer Still (Wilshire)

26. Favorite girl names? As in if I had a daughter? I like J names: Julie, Jamie, Jenny, Jaynie, Joy

27. Favorite boy names? Jason, Jeremy, Jamie (I guess it could be a guy's name too :-P), Jake, James...

28. What's in your pocket right now? candy wrapper, Kroger card, license, debit card, school id, and a note to myself about a video game calculation

29. Last thing that made you laugh? talking to Jamie last night.

30. Worst injury you've ever had? When I completely tore my anterior cruciate ligament (connecting the knee cap to the the tibia).

31. Do you love where you live? No, I'd rather be in Madison, or San Diego.

32. How many TVs do you have in your house? 2 But I don't use either right now.

33. Who is your loudest friend? Kelly

34. Does someone have a crush on you? I have no idea. All I know is that I'm taken with a most excellent guy.

35. What is your favorite candy? Gummy worms. Yum!

36. Favorite Sports Team? Brazilian male soccer team.

37. What were you doing 12 AM last night? Talking with Jamie I think.

38. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up today? Sh*t it's Monday.

39. What is your favorite Holiday? I think I really like Pi(e) Day. But this year will be the first without nerds so I don't know how good it'll be.

40. What are your plans for tomorrow? Working switchboard yet again, class, studying and writing, more class, go to bed and I might just make some beef stew. Tuesdays are my worst days. I wear my Godzilla t-shirt a lot.

Eggnog Frosting

2008-12-23T13:28:00.000-08:00

3 1/3 Cup Confectioners Sugar
8 Tablespoons Eggnog
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp Nutmeg
1/4 Cup butter (softened)

I combined the Sugar and the Eggnog first. This made a very thick mixture (my blender didn't like it). Then I added the butter and vanilla. After all of this I added the nutmeg. This is too sweet for a recipe. However, it does work.

The Eggnog I used was Organic Valley.

Kaese Spaetzle

2008-12-18T16:23:00.000-08:00

Kaese Spaetzle
SUBMITTED BY: NDBR PHOTO BY: Samantha "A tasty homemade pasta tossed with onion and Emmentaler cheese. A German version of macaroni and cheese."

RECIPE RATING:Read Reviews (27)
Review/Rate This Recipe
PREP TIME
10 Min
COOK TIME
20 Min
READY IN
1 Hr
SERVINGS (Help)

Servings

US
METRIC
INGREDIENTS (Nutrition)
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon pepper
3 eggs
3/8 cup 2% milk
3 tablespoons butter
1 onion, sliced
1 1/2 cups shredded Emmentaler cheese

DIRECTIONS
Sift together flour, nutmeg, salt and pepper. Beat eggs in a medium bowl. Alternately mix in milk and the flour mixture until smooth. Let stand for 30 minutes.
Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Press batter through a spaetzle press into the water. You may also use a potato ricer, colander, or a cheese grater. When the spaetzle has floated to the top of the water, remove it to a bowl with a slotted spoon. Mix in 1 cup of the cheese.
Melt butter in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add onion, and cook until golden. Stir in spaetzle and remaining cheese until well blended. Remove from heat, and serve immediately.

Cornbread

2008-12-09T21:08:00.000-08:00

INGREDIENTS
1/4 pound butter (1/2 cup)
2/3 cup white sugar
2 eggs
1 cup buttermilk
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup cornmeal
1 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease an 8 inch square pan.
Melt butter in large skillet. Remove from heat and stir in sugar. Quickly add eggs and beat until well blended. Combine buttermilk with baking soda and stir into mixture in pan. Stir in cornmeal, flour, and salt until well blended and few lumps remain. Pour batter into the prepared pan.
Bake in the preheated oven for 30 to 40 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

Expansion on Juno-gate and the Virgin Birth

2008-12-05T11:42:00.000-08:00

Once again, this may be offensive, so if you can't take a religious joke, don't read this.

If you read this anyway and get offended, then it's own damn fault.

As some of you may know when reading the Bible for the Christmas story, you do not encounter the story that is redacted to you from Christmas pageants. There are either shepherds or there are kings, but there is not both.

Luke says shepherds came, Matthew says that kings come. As for all seriousness, this is because Luke views Christ's coming for the poor, to serve and heal. Matthew is all about establishing Christ's power and title as Son of God's kingdom. So, Matthew would have kings bowing, and Luke would have "lowly shepherds" visiting. They both paint some different pictures about the Christmas story and the scene that is envisioned.

In-any-case that is neither here nor there where I'm going with this. As I said this is an expansion, the further part of my conversation with my friend about the so-called Virgin Birth. So, when thinking about the Christmas story in the lens of "oops I'm pregnant, must be the Messiah" let's look at who visits:

Shepherds: Well easy enough to explain. They are the dopes, the ones who reaffirm that they of course never would have even touched her and that she must be a virgin. They keep Joseph in his naive state while they are planting firmly in denial.

Matthew's kings are a harder matter. Why would they come from far away to pay homage. Well, then I got this as an idea (to go along with the joke mind you. Seriously if you were mildly offended by the shepherds and everything, don't read on. I MEAN IT)

The kings are the cardboard crowned kings, the crazy hobos off the street and their family jewels were the "gold, frankincense, and myrrh."

Alright, I'm leaving this joke to rest. Kill me if you wish. But do ask yourself that important question, if you were told that someone was a virgin and obviously pregnant... and then told you that three kings came in to visit their baby... or that some "random strangers that they met on the street" visited the baby... wouldn't you think, she's lying about virginity, those kings (if they believe they are kings) are crazy or she's crazy for thinking kings came to visit, and well, those random guys visiting from off the street were probably making sure the kid's not theirs. Come on, you know you'd be thinking that... or you too are in denial.

Juno-gate and the Virgin Birth

2008-12-05T07:52:00.000-08:00

To some of you, this may seem offensive. So if you’re the type of person who can’t take a joke about religion, please do not read.

If you do read because you are curious and get offended, it’s your own fault.

This morning I got a text from a friend amazed by how cultish and preposterous the Christmas music sounds now that she is no longer religious. Explaining “some dude walked on water 2000 years ago and he’s coming back to end the Earth.”

Of course, being the seminarian that I am, I had to explain that Christmas music was not about the 2nd coming (that’s Easter), but of when a chick got knocked up and trying to make an excuse, the first Juno-gate if you will. Yes indeed, as before I could get the Juno-gate reference in, the idea of Jewish privilege trumping Palin’s daughter was sent to me. (The problem with not having an adequate texting ability on my phone, I am slow)

Then comes the full theory of the “true” Christmas story:

Some chick gets knocked up, she’s not the most beautiful of the hoes that sleep around, nay; she is rather unsightly. Everyone has slept with her, but would deny it in a millisecond come questioning. Enter the naïve boyfriend, Joseph, who believes that his girl is the “real deal.” She’s totally a virgin; after all, she told him so.

Upon a business trip, Mary finds out that oops, she’s pregnant. Well, since she’s a virgin, it must be the Messiah! Since none of the other boys will admit openly that they have slept with her, for fear of having to partake in a shotgun wedding, they all agree. Joseph smiles and is completely delusioned to the point of seeing messengers that tell him exactly that.

So, Mary has her “virgin” birth and everyone skips along with the idea, living in denial so that they all may be happy.

Yes, as my friend replied, first coming, indeed.

Before you write me something angry about how this is offensive and how dare I write something so disgusting as to imply, nay say that the “Virgin Mary” is a whore. I just want you to look deep into yourself and ask yourself this:

If someone told you that she was pregnant and told you that she’s a virgin, what would you say? Would you swallow it, and say it must be the 2nd coming? Or, would you say she’s full of shit?

Christianity can do nasty things to people, and one of those things is the attempt to keep up appearances. In the real world, people don’t care if you have sex before marriage, yet, still in Christianity we have this hang-up. We constantly look into people’s private lives and judge. Funny how people conveniently forget “judge not lest ye be judged.” Gossip will reign supreme and those who are true to themselves will be trampled. Morals are nothing but tainted ethics, and I’m moving, ever so quickly away from all of this.

Thanksgiving

2008-12-02T05:09:00.001-08:00

As most of you know, or found out, I went to San Diego for Thanksgiving. Thanks to my wonderful bf who got me tickets there and back. The ride out there was nice. No one on the road, hardly anyone on the plane. I knitted and relaxed. I got an earlier flight and arrived 3.5 hours earlier.

It was good. I met up with Jaime (who I haven't seen since mid-October) and we ate dinner. After dinner, we proceeded to Jaime's friend's place to play Rock Band. Thursday I met a lot of family. It was hard. The amount of new people I met on this trip was high which was hard for me to handle at times. Before dinner, we went out to the beach and visited UCSD. Though I love the fact that the beach is a stones throw away from UCSD's campus, I don't think I would enjoy being there. It's a little isolated.

The ocean was amazing. I found a sand dollar and we continued to walk around. We went down to the tide pools and saw some pelicans. We also saw plenty of hermit crabs and a couple sea urchins.

We returned and had one of the best dinners I've had in a long time. We had Tur-duck-en (turkey, duck, chicken), three types of stuffing, plenty of other food and for desert, anyone who tried the Derby pie loved it. I almost ate too much (almost).

After dinner, we took one of Jaime's uncles home and then stayed up way too late talking with others. At least, that's my spin on it. I doubt we were up past 10:30 but for me that's late, considering the time difference.

My birthday was spent with Jaime's friends hanging out. We played more Rock Band, Apples to Apples, and even went to get Dim Sum. In the evening we all went out (family included) for Mexican food (first time having something better than Qudoba for me).

Saturday was spent at the zoo seeing pandas and monkeys, and at a museum. Afterward we went to a Starbucks to play Chez Geek. We finished the day with watching a movie (Independence Day) with Jaime's brother with a riff track over it.

It was good. The flight back was a nightmare. My flight got cancelled, I couldn't get on the earlier flight, and well, I had to fly into Lexington. I think things will be better when I fly to Japan, mostly because I won't be alone. The hardest thing about travelling is going alone for me.

It was a good weekend, and I do believe that everyone liked me. All that worrying, for naught. Oh well, I can't change my nature so fast. I keep working on it and it gets better little by little.

Well, off to class!

Maybe I should talk about SoCal...

2008-12-01T12:15:00.001-08:00

However, I don't feel like doing that blog post right now. It's long, and involved and full of wonderfulness.

Right now I don't have time, I don't want to get too involved, and I'm super crabby.

It didn't help that I had to fly into Lexington instead of Louisville because they cancelled my flight. It didn't help that no one seemed to be able to help me when I was looking for a different airline in O'Hare. It didn't help that this morning I had to work extra, it started to snow (and not stick), and well, everyone expects me to be happy, happy, happy.

I'll be happy when I want to be happy. If I have to be happy all the time, I get really moody. I start to visualize strangling people who say I have a serious case of the Mondays, or people who look at me and ask, "what's wrong?" I don't want to talk, I don't want to smile, can people just leave me alone???

I can't wait until I'm at a larger school. It doesn't help that the mentally disabled required hire keeps coming up to my window to talk. Yeah, today he yet again told me how he would like to pound everyone who ignores him. He creeps me out and I wish he would leave me alone. I mean he SERIOUSLY creeps me out. I guess if I ignore him enough he may decide to act on that urge, huh?

Anyway, what-evs I'm back and I'll be leaving soon for a much needed LONG vacay.

Oy.

World AIDS Day

2008-11-07T12:11:00.000-08:00

World AIDS Day is on December 1st. Hard to think, but it will come before our next meeting for the Gender and Ministry Committee. Apparently anything that has to do with AIDS is associated with our committee. So, as a fool I took on some responsibilities before our next meeting.

I'm going to be making red ribbons for World AIDS Day.
I'm going to be making cards for the ribbons to be attached to.
Further, I'm going to be helping with the worship service and attending the planning committee for the services on Nov. 17.
I plan on taking on some responsibility for next semester with getting the Katie Geneva Cannon lecture series going.
I could be handling the silent auction, I could be in charge or organizing the hospitality, or I could be working with worship planning again (though I doubt it). In any case, they will need help and I'm going to end up helping.
Also, for some reason, I may be organizing a panel on Abortion and the PC (USA). Oh joy! *rolls eyes*

Okay, so this committee is becoming a little more of a bother, but I can handle.

Off to work!

Sick and Tired

2008-11-06T17:01:00.000-08:00

Try to imply politely that you don’t want a certain someone sitting next to you and what happens? “Well I’m going to sit here. I don’t care.” *giggle*

Well, giggle, but then don’t be surprised when I block my computer screen with my backpack. Yes, that’s right, I’ll do that because you take notes on what’s on people’s screens. You take notes and you report about it to the professor.

So, she asks me to put the backpack down now. I reply “It’s fine where it is.” Well, now I’m not going to be able to sit next to anyone because now I’m a bitch. Survive, just survive the semester: I knew this would happen. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to handle this.

I just don’t want to go to class anymore. She looks at your screen and makes loud statements about what she sees. If she doesn’t see something, she makes loud statements about what she doesn’t see (makes up something like im conversations) Yes, I pay attention in class. Yes, I take notes. Yes I like to keep other people’s eyes off my screen. Is that too much to ask?

I already know people won’t understand. It will be assumed that I don’t pay attention. It will be assumed that I’m a hard bitch. I guess I just need to survive the year, hopefully just the semester. Hopefully winter break will blow things over.

Sigh, I can’t wait to get back to Wisconsin. Sorry, I just can’t.

Future

2008-10-28T10:00:00.000-07:00

Currently I've been going on long rants in this blog and I feel it's about time to talk about something else. I don't know what else, but something else.

How about Jonathan Edwards?

Nah, I'll save that rant for my paper. Currently watching people finishing their homework, homework that looks to be due yesterday. Though I should not be one to talk. I still have something that should have been done last week. Even though I received an extension, it feels unreal that I still have that lurking in the background.

The stress that one is subject to while in school is rather different then the stress I felt in real life. While in school I'd stress about deadlines, making sure that what I did was of high enough quality and whether or not I had time to actually clean my apartment that evening (or cook dinner for that matter). I do stress about that still, and whether I've read enough. As I found today, I can get away with being in a discussion group and work off my base knowledge that I've built over the years. Officially, yes I did read our readings, but should I mention that some of them I read 5 years ago and others 2 years ago? I felt sick that I didn't even glance over the stuff. I really need to take care of that come the test.

While I had my spout in the real world (that year where I wasn't in school), I worried about much different matters. These worries were easily controlled (my worries in school actually get to me sometimes). I'd worry about finding another job (luckily I had at least one that payed rather well. I think if I didn't that I would have been affected much more by the stress). I would worry about making friends (lol, me right?). I'd worry about how I was going to fit alone time in with the time I wanted to spend with friends. I'd worry about affording things, then after that was not much of a worry, how I was going to save money enough to go back to school.

The stress that school caused/is causing seemed so much more real then the stress I felt in the real world. The trivial sense that I must do everything perfectly, get everything done and work everything out to the nth degree. It seems, childish. It seems childish to feel that my grade is that important. Thus, I feel like I'm missing out on something.

I guess, I'm wondering if this is all worth it. I was happier when I was just working. However, I knew I was going back, so if it were more permanent, would I feel differently? Would I feel like I was unhappy? I'm wondering if real life is worth not continuing after this. Though, my dream job is still to work as an academic, teaching others, ideally teaching others that feel like it's a privilege to be there (ego, I know, it's bad).

Anyways, I have to go, since another class is starting and I don't belong. Tschau!

Now that it's been over a month Part 2!

2008-10-22T12:05:00.000-07:00

I didn't get nearly enough done last week. Totally meant to get a good chunk of the rest of the semester's homework completed. Yeah, that happened.

So, here I am, swamped in paperwork for class and for work. FE is kicking my butt. I knew it would, but dang!

I had to sift through papers. Piles upon piles I had to make, who got their registration in (yes I'm still dealing with that!), who got their judicatory letter in, who got their administrative agreement and learning covenant in, who got one of those in but didn't follow the rules as such that we are still waiting for the other half. Oh, and I come in at 12:30 and when do I need to get the logs done? 1:00. Of course, cause we have to get that done before the class.

On top of this I then become the tech goddess and have to fix problems for the lecturer. Now, I don't mind doing this, and didn't mind getting creative for her and helping her out. However, when it was all said and done, I didn't get the list done in time. Got it done in time for break, which is hopefully happening now.

Oh, and not to mention I now get the lovely job tomorrow (because I refused to do anymore work today), of emailing every single person who hasn't even turned in their AA or LC. Oh, and I can't wait till half of those come back because the individuals have to redo them. Yes, once people get those done, sometimes they have to redo them. I already have 5 people on my list for that.

This is just work.

I have 2 papers to write by tomorrow at 6. I have my passport to finish (I'm horrible), I have my application to finish, and I have to schedule the GRE's. I'm looking now to take them in Wisconsin. At least then I'll get a partial break.

I'm stressed out and the only shred of sanity that I'm clinging to is the fact that I'm wearing my fat unicorn t-shirt. That's it, once that comes off I'm screwed. (you may see me wearing it tomorrow folks)

BWAHAHA

2008-10-15T12:15:00.000-07:00

What Death Note Character Are You?
Hosted By theOtaku.com: Anime

Any surprise I've always signed my emails ~L???

Now that it has been over a month

2008-10-09T19:52:00.000-07:00

So, tons of stuff happening. Currently feeling much better, but that's because I took some medicine about an hour ago.

I am now officially going to Japan. Got my ticket today. ^_^ Yippee! March 20-29, oh it can't come fast enough.

Let-me-see, classes are kicking my butt. I plan on getting ahead next week during research and study. I have so much to do I think I'll explode and take the rest of the semester to recover.

I have my stuff for classes which I want to get a week done a day.

I have my thesis that I want done by Wednesday.

I have the GRE to still study for.

I have my passport to get (OMG I can't believe I forgot this).

Start my thesis for this year.

Change my degree (*%&^#@$!)

So much stuff, so much stress. Not to mention the FE Office and all the stuff I need to do for that. All the emails I need to send out with people who STILL don't have their stuff in. I hate this, every email, every sent response, I need to copy, print, and file. Every single thing, I have a stack that a produced today just to remind people to bring that stuff in. I'm starting to get sick.

Oh, and of course, I can has kitten now?

He's cute, and today he's crabby. Getting fixed and shots can't be too fun.

Okay, I'm done for about now... sigh... How long till I graduate?

After all that...

2008-08-23T19:02:00.000-07:00

So after all of that which came out last night, I actually went forward to call my SO. I opened up (scary for me) and told him how I feel. How I appreciate him, how he makes me feel, and how much everything he's done has meant to me.

After some tears and choking up on my end, we continued onto regular topics. Mostly I steered the conversation in that direction. I felt it kind-of put him on the spot and leaving him speechless after that, too much silence and he may think that he needs to say something.

So, I got it out and well, I feel better. I think he can understand a little better where I'm coming from. So, today though uneventful was good. I can't wait till he calls tonight.

I must be masochistic...

2008-08-22T21:13:00.000-07:00

Today, well tonight, I realized something after I left a message for the SO. I realized that I've been fighting the urge for quite a while to leave "I love you" or "love you" at the end as a tag. This made me think of why this was the case. I know that currently I do not love him. This is something that takes a large amount of trust, respect, compassion, and over-all lust for him before I can say it and mean it.

I think anyone who knows what happened to me, knows why I'm still having trust issues. However, I've had a no contact relationship with my abusive ex since about July of last year. Causing me to truly be able to live and be happy. Oddly enough, I now believe more than ever, "Human beings are cowards in the face of happiness. You need courage to hold onto happiness."

Yes, but I digress. What I described is item #398 on the "How to tell after the break-up that your relationship was a mess." Not being able to truly understand the meaning of "love" anymore. It's an aftermath of dealing with a horrible break. I do believe I understood it at one time, but (as cliche as it sounds) I think I was more in love with love at the end, trying to hold onto a relationship that, for the life me, should be dissolved.

This whole ordeal is making me think of thoughts I'd rather leave behind. I ended up going into my email and trying to remove his old emails. Yet again, I failed. Further, I found things that just made me angry. Things that just shouldn't have been. For instance:

"For the rest of your life you pretty much *will* be indebted to me --for putting up with and helping you through this problem of yours,which would otherwise destroy your life and your happiness as anadult. Frankly, you'll never be able to appreciate the dedication ittakes, except insofar as you have to have similar dedication tochanging yourself (that's going toward self-improvement though.There's no way you could walk away from yourself, and I really shouldget boatloads of credit for not having taken the easy way out andwalked away from all this."

Yeah, I was feeling like I was a great burden. Why was I feeling like a great burden? Well, I would get into arguments with George (stupid stuff like where things in the apartment should go, or what should be for dinner). Just for clarification, I wouldn't care about things and this offended him. So, the argument would be about how I never care about where said bookshelf goes, or what is made for dinner. This would digress to me not caring about him in some way. I would get furious that he would suggest such a thing (say something like "I can't believe you would say that") and his constant badgering of how I didn't love him, I would end up leaving the apartment (or attempting to leave). This was seen as a great burden because he didn't know where I was, when I was coming back, or if I was alright.

Other emails discussing about the same. One even states "You're lucky you have me. No one else would stay with you."

Yeah, and that dedication to changing myself was only to fit his mold. How I acted, how I spoke, who I liked, who I was to hang out with, what clothes I wear, how much I weigh, what I watch on tv, how I relate to him in public (it was a battle to get him to hold hands with me).

In general, everything made me feel like I wasn't appreciated. Now that I'm farther away from the situation, I can say this. I can say it without feeling guilty or ashamed.

Now coming to present day, I have a hard time not having flinching moments with my current SO. After all, I'm still a little scared that he'll change. That he'll start to have issues with how I am. I'm scared that I'll get caught again. Worst of all, I'm scared when he comes to hug me I still get the gut feeling that he's going to backhand me.

And through all of this, though I haven't explained it to him, though I haven't said a thing, even though he's noticed, he's still coming to me and making an effort in the relationship. He doesn't judge and when I look into his face, it's a comfort. Some things I can't help and will always be there, but in the end I can't thank the heavens enough for him. I needed someone to show me how good it can be. Further, although I feel this immense gratitude, I don't feel indebted. I don't feel like tabs are being kept.

So, I feel like I need to stop saying, we'll see where it goes and start looking to this as a more serious relationship. I need to start to see things differently. However hard it is, I need to start to trust, even if it's a little bit at a time.

And now I am crying.

Lemon Ginger Cookies

2008-05-13T21:28:00.000-07:00

Lemon Ginger Cookies

INGREDIENTS

3 cups flour
¾ tsp baking powder
¼ tsp salt (optional)
½ tsp cinnamon
2 tsp ground ginger

1 cup unsalted butter (softened)
1 cup granulated sugar
1 egg

1 lemon
¼ cup brown sugar
1 tsp vanilla

DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).

In a large bowl, cream together butter and sugar until smooth. Add egg and continue to beat mixture together.

In another bowl sift flour, baking powder, salt (optional), cinnamon, and ginger together. Add sifted ingredients slowly to wet mixture.

Grate zest from lemon. Then extract the juice from the lemon. If squeezing by hand use the full lemon. If using a juicer, extract from only ½ to ¾ of the lemon. Put lemon zest, juice, brown sugar and vanilla together in a bowl and beat together. Then add this to the other mixture.

Mix thoroughly. To place on cookie sheets, first take about a teaspoon full and roll the dough round. Place on cookie sheet, evenly spaced and then with the bottom of a glass press the cookies down half-way flat.

Bake for about 10-12 minutes or until lightly golden. Let cool on cookie sheets for at least 5 minutes before removing the cookies. Remove, eat, enjoy!

cookies and cake!

2008-04-07T19:30:00.000-07:00

Yet again, I find myself making cookies and cake for Game Night. Last week I made muffins. You'll find the recipes I used below. Some might be repeats...

Chocolate M&M's (yielded 45 for me)

INGREDIENTS
1 cup unsalted butter
1 cup packed brown sugar
3/4 cup white sugar
2 eggs
1 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 Bag (14 oz) M&M's)

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease cookie sheets.
In a large bowl, cream together the butter, brown sugar and white sugar until light and fluffy. Add the eggs one at a time, beating well with each addition. Combine the cocoa, flour, and baking soda, gradually stir into the creamed mixture. Finally, fold in M&M's. Drop by rounded spoonfuls onto the prepared cookie sheets.

Bake for 8 to 10 minutes in the preheated oven, until puffy but still soft. Allow cookies to cool on baking sheet for 5 minutes before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.

I greased the cookie sheets before use. I also was a little stingy on the flour and probably put between 1 1/2 and 1 3/4 cups. The recipe was for chocolate cookies and I added the M&M's to it. Also, the original recipe called for 1 1/4 powdered baking chocolate, but I decided on less. I like them to be sweeter.

Sister Imelda Ann's Sugar Cookies (yielded 34 cookies for me at half the recipe)

Ingredients
1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup powder sugar
1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup oil
1 egg

2 cups flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cream of tartar

1/2 tsp vanilla

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mix first 5 ingredients together until smooth. Sift dry ingredients together and add to first mix. Finally add vanilla to mix and continue until fully blended together.

Chill in refrigerator. After chilled, roll into teaspoon sized balls and place on cookie sheet. Cook for 8-10 minutes.

I halved the origional recipe. I also didn't chill the batter. I know I'm supposed to, but I didn't have time and I knew they would turn out. Also sprinkled green and blue sugar on them after placing on pan.

Meringue Cookies

INGREDIENTS
2 egg whites
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon cream of tartar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3/4 cup white sugar
1 cup semisweet chocolate chips

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 300 degrees F (150 degrees C). To prevent burning you can bake on an air cushion baking sheet or put parchment paper on a regular cookie sheet.
Beat egg whites, salt and cream of tartar until very firm. Gradually add sugar and mix. Fold in vanilla chocolate chips.
Drop by teaspoonfuls on pan. Bake 300 degrees for 25 minutes. They should only be lightly browned.

I doubled this recipe. If you do so, don't double the chocolate chips. These were a b**** to make... Just so you know.

Cake!

INGREDIENTS
1 cup butter, softened
3 cups white sugar
6 eggs
1 ounce red food coloring
3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup buttermilk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 tablespoon white vinegar

2 (8 ounce) packages cream cheese
12 ounces white chocolate
1 cup butter, softened

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C). Grease and flour three 8 inch pans.
In a large bowl, cream 1 cup butter with sugar. Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. Mix food coloring with cocoa and add to mixture.
Add flour alternately with buttermilk. Add vanilla and salt.
Mix baking soda with vinegar, and gently stir into mixture. Be careful not to over mix.
Divide batter into three prepared 8 inch round pans. Bake at 325 degrees F (165 degrees C) for 25 minutes. Allow to cool.
To make the White Chocolate Cream Cheese Icing: Melt the white chocolate and allow to cool to lukewarm. In a large bowl, beat the cream cheese until light and fluffy. Gradually beat in melted white chocolate and softened butter. Beat until it is the consistency of whipped cream, then use to fill and frost the cake.

I did 9 inch pans instead otherwise, to the letter.

Ugh

2008-03-05T13:19:00.000-08:00

I just realized, it's March...

Well, things are going too quickly. I'm seeing folks before I make yet another major move. I never realized it before, but after moving and living outside of Wisconsin, living anywhere really seems viable. Mostly when I was going to graduate from college I thought I would stay in Wisconsin. Then I ended up in Louisville and that really changed how I look on things.

Random, I know. If you are trying to get ahold of me this weekend, short of a couple of people, good luck. I've got a busy schedule.

random youtube links

2008-02-22T10:24:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xg6KdTiPJ64&feature=related Azumanga par

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=huWKSYUX5Fs Azumanga op

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2UaVcZPsYU video march band

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDiDK_yBCw0 future soon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmwqpHsMExg wake up

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0G9vDKcdLg&feature=related mad world kiwi

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSb-nV8l2QY rejected

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fpc5vgi9zbM billy's balloon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYqKucJTn2c L'Amour

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekSCfS__fKY genre

http://www.lostfocus.de/archives/2005/07/19/i-wanna-castmagic-missile/ I wanna cast Magic Missile

Cookies!

2008-02-20T18:20:00.000-08:00

Chocolate M&M's (yielded 32 for me)

INGREDIENTS
1 cup unsalted butter
1 cup packed brown sugar
3/4 cup white sugar
2 eggs
1 cups unsweetened cocoa powder
1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 Bag (14 oz) M&M's)

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease cookie sheets.
In a large bowl, cream together the butter, brown sugar and white sugar until light and fluffy. Add the eggs one at a time, beating well with each addition. Combine the cocoa, flour, and baking soda, gradually stir into the creamed mixture. Finally, fold in white chocolate chips. Drop by rounded spoonfuls onto the prepared cookie sheets.

Bake for 8 to 10 minutes in the preheated oven, until puffy but still soft. Allow cookies to cool on baking sheet for 5 minutes before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.

I greased the cookie sheets before use. I also was a little stingy on the flour and probably put between 1 1/2 and 1 3/4 cups. The recipe was for chocolate cookies and I added the M&M's to it. Also, the original recipe called for 1 1/4 powdered baking chocolate, but I decided on less. I like them to be sweeter.

Sister Imelda Ann's Sugar Cookies (yielded 31 cookies for me at half the recipe)

Ingredients
1 cup white sugar
1 cup powder sugar
1 cup butter
1 cup oil
2 eggs

4 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 tsp cream of tartar

1 tsp vanilla

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mix first 5 ingredients together until smooth. Sift dry ingredients together and add to first mix. Finally add vanilla to mix and continue until fully blended together.

Chill in refrigerator. After chilled, roll into teaspoon sized balls and place on cookie sheet. Cook for 8-10 minutes.

I halved this recipe. I also didn't chill the batter. I know I'm supposed to, but I didn't have time and I knew they would turn out. Also sprinkled green and blue sugar on them after placing on pan.

Lemon Frosting (I know, not cookies. I made some cupcakes out of a box mix for time's sake. Of course, I always make the frosting from scratch when I do this.)

4 cups confectioners' sugar
1/2 cup butter, softened
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1 teaspoon grated lemon zest
2 tablespoons milk

In large bowl, beat confectioners' sugar, 1/2 cup butter, 2 tablespoons lemon juice and 1 teaspoon lemon zest until smooth. Beat in milk, and increase speed and continue to beat until light and fluffy.

I decided that 5 dozen cookies is good enough for my little event and that with cupcakes it is more then enough.

If my camera works, pictures will follow completion.

And when I feel like, I can feel once again, let me stay awhile...

2008-02-08T11:38:00.000-08:00

Soak it in awhile...

Only I can truly understand how incredibly happy I am, right now. I cannot explain just how incredible this is.
I am free.

The job that I once held now gone behind me. I really feel as though I'm free.
Any of you watch Gunslinger Girl? If you do, then you may hate me for the following, but I don't care. :-)

To the tune of "The light before we land" Some of the meter might not work, just had to pump this out. I was humming the tune after my last day at job #1 and the chorus came to mind. The rest is just me goofing around. :-)

In jobs as such as these I'd like a hand
A striking blow up to the middle man
With all that stands around me,
Don't you understand?
When things are done, this is why I'm glad.

And so I feel like I can live once again
Bask in the sun
So glad that job is done
I had held on and faced all the wrong
People in my life
Now I'm free of strife
My haven now.

People around me ask, "Why so happy now?"
I wonder if I should face this with a frown.

Without a premonition
Can you tell I'm overjoyed
I hate to think
that you are still employed.

And so I feel like I can live once again
I'm too glad today
Everything's gone my way
I had held on and faced all the wrong
People in my life
Now I'm free of strife
My haven now.

Before I let you judge me
I'd like to take a stand
Remind me how you work now
Without my helping hand.

And so I feel like I can live once again
Bask in the sun
So glad that job is done
I had held on and faced all the wrong
People in my life
Now I'm free of strife
My haven now.

Coming to you LIVE from the Careers Conference

2008-01-30T07:56:00.000-08:00

So, here I am. Today is the final day for the 2008 Careers Conference. Unlike most days this week, I have a little time to sit and enjoy not having 100 things to do at once.

Unfortunately there is little I can say about the actual conference. I was manning the registration booth for most of it. Even at the reception where I was supposed to "go and enjoy" myself, I had to hand out raffle tickets and prizes. It makes for some long days. Then there is the fact that the one person of whom I have to work with believes more in networking and goofing off then actually working. Seriously, if I had a choice, I would spend all my time talking with people and getting business cards but when we have 50 people wanting to register, is that really the time to talk with an attendee about your kids going to school for 45 minutes?!?

Yes, if you thought this was going to be a posting on the happenings of the conference, well, it is but only the rants of someone who actually had to work there.

Not only was she talking most of the time, but when she actually did some work she was so controlling about everything that she just frustrated me. I have a person who registered and it looked like she was signed up for the wrong thing. Instead of letting me look at her registration she told me, "I'll deal with it in a minute," and proceeded to block off access to the registrations box. We were both supposed to have access to this thing, mind you since we are both working in registration.

I swear, sometimes she can really get on my nerves. Not only this, but her random disappearing without taking her cell phone. Her taking of 1-2 hour lunches. I'm willing to bet that she will not be recording them as such. Granted, she sometimes was busy with people who had a problem paying or didn't pay entirely, but that's all she worked with and there were not that many. One hour, where she had more then 1 person in front of her, and only 5 hours tops where she had anyone at all. Then telling me to constantly go and make runs. That was NOT MY JOB. We had volunteers for that! I was the only person who could answer most questions. Then she just makes things off the top of her head. Such as, we can check bags and coats for people and make sure no one takes them. Yet again, we don't have time for that and it is not our job. It just made things that much worse for everyone here.

So, Susan annoys me, but hey, only one more week and I'm out. Never in my life have I worked in such a disorganized environment where I was treated so poorly. I'm going to be happy when I'm done.

Oh yes, so very happy.

Answers

2008-01-23T19:37:00.000-08:00

1. The Beatles: Let it Be

2. Beulah: Popular Mechanics for Lovers

3. Elvis Costello: Allison

4. Loreena McKennitt: Skellig

5. Jeff Buckley: Mojo Pin

6. Belle and Sebastian: Ease Your Feet in the Sea

7. Ani DiFranco: 32 Flavors

8. Elbow: Ribcage

9. Yo La Tengo: Let's Save Tony Orlando's House

10. Radiohead: Black Star

11. Bjork: Army of Me

12. Spiritualized: I Think I'm in Love

13. Pavement: Cream of Gold

14. The Shins: Young Pilgrim

15. Badly Drawn Boy: Another Pearl

16. Alanis Morresette: UR

17. Guster: I Hope Tomorrow is Like Today

18. Kansas: Dust in the Wind

19. Spoon: The Way We Get By

20. Ritsuko Okazaki: For Fruits Basket

21. Jonathan Coulton: A Talk with George

22. The New Pornographers: The End of Medicine

Already done in Facebook, but hey why not?

2008-01-23T19:36:00.000-08:00

Step 1: Put your music player on shuffle.
Step 2: Post the first line from the first 22 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing.
Step 3: Strike through the songs when someone guesses both artist and track correctly.
Step 4: For those who are guessing -- looking the lyrics up on a search engine is CHEATING!
Step 5: If you like the game post your own.

On a personal note I am surprised that some of my more listened to music actually did not make it on here. I removed anything in a foreign language to level the playing field. Have fun guessing. Try not to cheat, but if you are so inclined, do so after a couple weeks, please? Oh, and there were no repeats with artists.

1. When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me

2. I know he knocks you off your feet. You're so bitter you think he's sweet. Well he's wrong for you I swear.

3. Oh it's so funny to be seeing you after so long girl. With the way you look I can understand that you are not impressed.

4. Light the candle John, daylight is almost gone. The birds have sung their last

5. I lie in my bed. The blanket is warm. This body will never be safe from harm.

6. Ease your feet in the sea, my darling, it's the place to be.

7. Squint your eyes a little closer, I'm not between you and your ambition.

8. We blew the doors, didn't we? Pissed in their champagne and did a real thing, didn't we? Gave ourselves a name and peeled away the shame.

9. We proudly welcome, Tony Orlando.

10. I get home from work and you're still standing in your dressing gown.
Well what am I to do?

11. Stand up. You've got to manage. I won't sympathize, anymore.

12. Sun so bright that I'm nearly blind. Cool cause I'm wired and I'm out of my mind.

13. So much for destiny. A pin prick on my knee. The frost you paint across our dead affair.

14. A cold and wet November dawn. And there are no barking sparrows. Just emptiness to dwell upon.

15. Why are you trembling so much? I don't think I've ever felt so good.

16. Burn the books; they've got too many names and psychoses.

17. On the way, you're still sleepin'. The sun will rise like yesterday. Everything that we are now is everything that we can't let go.

18. I close my eyes, only for a moment and the moment's gone. (**only hint** ducks **end only hint**)

19. We get high in back seats of cars. We break into mobile homes. We go to sleep to shake appeal. Never wake up on our own.

20. I was so happy when you smiled; your smile breaks through the clouds of grey.

21. There's a tall thin man, standing in the shadows. When he calls your name, his voice is strong and clear. It's a dark and smokey place, so you can't quite see his face. He pulls you close and whispers in your ear.

22. The angel cried, "You Bastard!" as we analyzed the accents. So look out you rock 'n rollers. Over 40 million served and that's a record for the master. Stood for ever after.

It's been awhile

2008-01-17T14:12:00.000-08:00

Geeze I've been way the hell too busy doing absolutely nothing (at least nothing worth mentioning). I should say that no, I have not sent out gifts. They will be sent this weekend even if I have to stay up all night Friday to get them out on Saturday early morning. No matter how cold it is outside, I will send them out.

Work has been worse then horrible. Well, work for the conference has been worse then horrible. CDP is still wonderful as ever to work for.

Socially I've been feeling rather, stranded. I miss my Bito. I miss having people I can call and have some decent chance of catching them and getting them to do stuff. Most people around here I either feel like I'd be invading their privacy to call them (I'd rather email them, but that means something planned) or the people I can call are really bad about getting out and doing stuff (with the exception of one person, but it's no fun constantly calling that one person). So, after everyone coming over the weekend I officially feel bummed that no one is here anymore.

On a lighter note, Anime Club will be starting again soon and then it's the long race to May. Once back down in Louisville, I'll have to start hanging out with all the people I've missed. Seriously, you guys are awesome and I wish I had spent more time with you while I was there.

So, I really need to get stuff done, ie, laundry, dishes, the usual clean-up. So, I'll make this a short post. Coming soon, I hope to have an updated list of anime I've seen and maybe even a scoring system set up... After all, when I like an anime or when I hate one, I want to make it known to my small world.

Oh, for Christmas, best gift ever: Cactluar Plush, very very close second: Yaaaaaarn t-shirt. Totally awesome.

Promises

2008-01-04T20:53:00.000-08:00

I've been told resolutions are just promises to ourselves. Granted, this makes sense and anyone who reads that statement will say, "duh."

That being said, it still made me want to work on these more so then normal. I'll see how far I can get in them before I start slipping. As always, anything I can keep track on here, I will.

Currently walking to work is becoming easier thanks to the weather taking a break. I need to get a scale. However, the worst time I have losing weight is when I focus on it. It may be the stress, I have no idea. However, I know the only time I was successful in loosing weight, I didn't focus. I just lost it from a healthy diet and exercise routine. I hope that doing this again, even with monitoring will work.

To get Ruth going, I'll be posting the first chapter, already finished, from my midterm last year. I have no idea how much of it is wrong, but it's a start. Pictures of knitting projects will be up as soon as I finish them. I may even post project shots.

The loan thing may not happen. I started to really look at my finances and I just am not to the point where I can realistically save up (without taking another loan). I just have to make it back to seminary.

I'll have a before and after shot of my hair cut. Promise. That will have to wait until after the Careers Conference if I don't want my bosses to hate me.

Cos-playing will be blog about after the event. I realize that some people may "look" for me if announced in advance.

Latin may also have to wait, but I hope not.

Reading will just get done. Mostly I don't "need" to promise myself more reading time. I just do it and go on smiling. Of course the writing exercises will probably be posted. Don't expect too much from them. I'm just trying to keep some form of writing style and voice for when I jump back into grad school.

I still haven't sent out gifts or cards. I'm hoping it won't be another round of President's Day cards... better then nothing right?

Well, I'm going to read a little then watch some Firefly. Mmmm... I do love watchin' me some Firefly...

Oh, and gift problem/dilemma from before is solved and she loved it! So glad I gave it to someone else. I knew there had to be someone who really would appreciate the colorized version of House of Leaves. Good book if you ever get the chance and the sound track made by his sister (Poe: Haunted) is good too.

Tschau for now!

Resolutions part 1

2007-12-19T13:13:00.000-08:00

Well, I didn't really make any cookies.

I didn't call LPTS.

I didn't do my cards yet.

I did a little shopping.

I'm batting 1,000...

Well, I have still more shopping to do. I have to send back my defective phone. I have to send gifts, they will be late. I have to do the cards (easiest of all things).

But, none of those matter currently. Here comes, my resolutions and year in review (part 1).

New Years is just another reason to get my act together as far as I'm concerned. I've started working on a number of these already, but it doesn't hurt to have a list to remind me as I sit here on how much junk I have to accomplish.

#1 Lose 100 lbs this year.

Vanity, I have none. I look but more importantly feel like crap. I've had all this extra energy which means that my body is telling me, stop sitting on your rump and go outside, to exersize (or at least do something inside).

To accomplish this goal I have set into motion:

1. Walking to and from work.

2. Walking to the Abode.

3. Running (still building stamina) for at least 1 hour per day.

4. 1500 calorie limit

5. Started to take a vitamin supplement because I'm paranoided about getting my daily requirements.

6. 100 crunches/however many push-ups I can do in an hour alternatively every day.

7. Set it up so I (hopefully) have a work-out buddy once back in Louisville

#2 Translate the entire book of Ruth and Esther.

Yes, I need to get my Hebrew on and what better way to do this then to do some old fashioned translating. My Lexicon is weak but I think I can manage. If anything, just to get back in the habbit of translating would be good. I'm loosing what I gained and I want to take that class in the summer.

I haven't started on making this a reality.

#3 Knit at least 3 projects.

Do I really need to sit down and say I'll do this. Apparently so. I've started these three. None of them completed and I want to do other stuff. So, to free those needles, I need to get them done.

#4 Read 5 books from my seminary stack.

One of these would have to be "Blood Done Sign My Name." Other then that, I'll have to choose and write them down and then read them.

#5 Pay off one of my two loans. Why did this become important? Well, I'm hitting the end of the grace period and calculated that my monthly payments will be around $250 for interest. So, I'll pay a chunk off and then get a loan from my bank at a better rate to take care of the rest. You may ask, but you were planning on saving that money for later. Well, it's better to get it done and taken care of right now. Besides, I'll still be able to save... a little.

#6 Get a hair cut. Not just any hair cut mind you. No, I plan on getting the hair cut of my dreams. You guessed it: Black dye with an asymetrical feel and teal highlights (possibly on the tips only). First I need to find a wig that will work with my anime costume though. Because like hell I'm going to the con in April with black hair when I'm dressed like Witch Hunter Robin.

#7 Randomly cosplay at the seminary on days other then Halloween.

Why would I want to do this? Well, basically so I can say that I did. I got the costume. Now all I need to do is attend and dress up. Oh, the possibilities.

#8 Write at least 30 more entries in my journal practice. Yes, I'm doing writing exercises. Basically I feel I can only get better at writing by practicing.

#9 Read the entire extent of Fruits Basket manga out there. The series is completed so I can do it. I've read through Chapter 28 already.

#10 Start-up on my Latin again

What I hope to accompish in the next week

2007-12-13T08:31:00.000-08:00

1. Christmas shopping
2. Bake 16 dozen cookies for gifts
3. Call LPTS about the possible MATS program and find out how that's coming along
4. Finish decorating for party at end of month
5. Mail out Christmas cards and gifts
6. Make my New Years Resolution list and review of the past year. (maybe next week)

Just realized that money won't be as tight as I thought for next year which is nice. Go scholarships!

I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish...

2007-12-05T08:31:00.000-08:00

So, I'm being rather stupid about this whole feeling lonely thing. I really don't know why, but I've been in a strange foul mood and I need to get over it. So, from today, I plan on being more proactive about seeing people and doing stuff. Not only this, but I'm going to be a little less worried about things.

So far, I've been worried about a number of things:

1. Christmas shopping (really stupid, I know)
2. What the heck I'm going to do while school is not in session in Madison
3. Getting things squared away in Louisville
4. Not dying at my job in the mornings (doing a great job by shirking my duties to write this)
5. Self image again. Once again I'm starting to get self conscious which means more giggling weird moments. I hate myself for giggling so much which in itself is really stupid too. If I would just calm down here and there I'd be better off.
6. My health, since I'm with out health insurance and I've been getting sick and this morning I collapsed in the mail room. Thank God no one saw me, the last thing I need is the ambulance called in. I don't have money for that. No more helping people get out of snowbanks for a while.

I need to just calm down and enjoy myself for a bit here.

:-) Here's to the holidays. Next to come: what I hope to accomplish next year part 1.

Dilemma

2007-11-30T11:34:00.000-08:00

So, I can't decide what to do with this...

Back in April, when I came to visit people in Madison, I went to the bookstore on campus to return more of my books that I won't ever use. After returning the books for some reason (probably because there was a strong surge of me still wanting things to work out between me and my ex) I purchased a book for him. Essentially using up the money that I had received from returning my books. This is a book that I guess I wouldn't mind keeping, but knowing the reason behind purchasing it makes it hard for me to read it. Thus, it is painful for me to have it on hand.

I'm wondering, should I send it to him? And if I do, should I attach some sort of note explaining? I have no clue what to do and I'm asking for some in-put if you would be so kind. Thanks.

Memory - What is your first memory?

2007-11-30T10:04:00.000-08:00

My memory, something that can be faulty at times. This week's topic is memory. What's your first memory?

Oddly enough, my first memory was not one that is in particular nice, or extraordinary. There is very little that I remember from much of my childhood and the timeline is rather jumbled. However, I can separate memories based on where I'm living at the time. We moved when I was about 4 to the house the my brother is currently renting from my parents.

We moved because the family was growing too big for apartments apparently. My brother has always lived in the same place and never felt the joy of moving.

Before we moved I remember living in a green duplex where we lived above an elderly couple. A couple that creeped me out and I tried not to spend too much time around them. Just after Christmas, I received a doll that I liked to play with. I don't remember opening that gift or anything, however, I remember playing in my closet with that doll.

I was being loud enough for the elderly couple downstairs to complain to my parents and my dad came in and yelled at me for being too loud.

Now that I think about it, I wonder what on Earth could have warranted such a response. Since, I was sitting down just well, being a kid and talking to my doll and having it interact with my stuffed animals (a cat and a raccoon). Just silliness but not noisy in the slightest. Maybe that's why I didn't like that couple. However, they constantly tried to get me to come in for stuff in their apartment and confused me by requesting that I call them grandma and grandpa (I already had two sets of those, I didn't need any more).

Strange what feelings come forth once I start to remember that time and the details that come to mind. I can't remember the color of the carpet, just that there was carpet only in the closet and not the rest of my room. I also remember the walls being yellow and old window blinds that were cracked and a dirtier form of yellow. I remember moving from that apartment to the house that we lived in for years after. I remember that I could only read one book on the trip instead of a couple when going to daycare after the move. And I remember a Christmas where I got to help put ornaments on the tree and where we waited all night for Dad to come home that night. I also remember Mom being worried. I remember burning my hand on the stove in the kitchen. I remember being tested for my IQ on the kitchen table that I now own. I remember going out on the small balcony on a cooler day and feeling the wind and smelling clean air before my dad pulled me into the apartment. I remember... I remember spilling milk on the multi-colored carpet in the living room and I remember hiding under the blanket that was kept there, playing hide-and-go-seek with my dad. He found me and lifted me up so high I could touch the ceiling. These are my memories of that place. Seems like such a short list for 4 years.

The quarter-century club

2007-11-28T09:48:00.000-08:00

**edit** So now that a certain someone has called me, totally unexpectedly, I'm feeling much, much better. This is turning out to be a good birthday. WEEE! **end edit**

So, today is my birthday. I still feel rotten about complaining and quite frankly this one is better then last year. X, last year's was horrible. No one remembered my birthday. Well, my Ex did, promised to come home asap so we could celebrate. Needless to say, I ended up eating a quick dinner alone at about 10 that night only to have him com waltzing in at 11:30 annoyed that I didn't wait up for him... I am so glad I'm out of that relationship.

So, birthday this year, spent last night at game night. Spent Monday night baking two cakes to bring to game night and another to take to my job. Not the one I'm at now, no, I left early to drop off the cake at work at animal sci so that no one would know here. I really don't feel comfortable "celebrating" here. Anyway, last Saturday, Sari gave me the best gift ever (still love it) and for the most part, I haven't had much in the disappointment arena. I'm sick, but that's because I was stupid and went to my parents' last weekend.

So, tonight I have plans to watch Elfen Lied with some people and this weekend my friend Danielle is coming into town to visit. All in all, I should be a little more happy, and I think I will after I leave here in an hour or so.

Yeah, comparatively, this is shaping out to be not-bad, thus it ranks pretty high on my list for good birthdays.

In other news, my grandparents are still fighting and now I'm being dragged into it. I wish they could deal with this without me; I really do.

My job is still being a jerk about time off and won't give me time that they agreed to before I got hired. X, if it weren't for the fact that CDP needed me to do this, I so would be out of here. But, a job is a job is a job and I should be grateful that after the long time searching I was able to find something in time. Something where I didn't need to resort to lying (or omitting facts they would really want to know) to get the job. Hopefully they will be happy enough with me that I can get a good recommendation.

I'm still getting everything done too quickly. Maybe there's more things I can do online before I leave so that it looks like I'm working. :-)

Horrible, just horrible

2007-11-22T18:09:00.000-08:00

I just had the WORST Thanksgiving in my life. It turns out that my grandparents, after 50 years of marriage (X, 50 YEARS!) are probably getting a divorce. My grandfather is done dealing with my grandmother and her paranoia... I can't get into all the details, but if you want me to rant, feel free to call and ask about it.

All in all, if I had to choose sides, I would choose my grandfather. It's gotten to the point where she was calling the police on him... for really no reason.

:-/ It was a bad day so now I'm going to forget all my troubles in TV and Mojitos...

Yum

2007-11-20T15:52:00.000-08:00

Eating on a small budget is something I do from time-to-time (now that I have the luxury of eating meat and other delicious things other than potatoes and milk). So, when in a hurry, I look to my stash o' crap for something to fix. Tonight, I realized I needed to get done with dinner in a flash since I got home rather late. Looking through my options, I decided to finish off the last of the left-over rice I had from dinner three (maybe four?) nights ago.

While my rice was re-heating (thank you microwaves... I should put that on my list), I looked through my cupboard for something extra to put with my rice and rice milk (X I hate being lactose-intolerant). There were some cans of condensed soup. Feeling the tickle of a cold coming on, I reached for the chicken noodle.

Of course, I forgot to add the water so then I had the brilliant idea and ended up with this:

It was quite tasty and not bad looking. Overall, for a 2 minute dinner it was excellent. I may even do it again.

meeting

2007-11-13T22:49:00.000-08:00

Entering the crowded bar was not his idea, and if it weren't for that incoming text that blared on his phone, he would be sound asleep as of right now. After all, who else would he come out here for, and it was an emergency. At least, that's what the message said and as he wriggled through, struggling to lift his feet from the sticky floor, something caught him from the corner of his eye.

As it is said in passing, darkness brings out a star's light and here among the laughter and sweltering excitement of intoxication was a young woman, sitting at the bar, quietly writing in a notebook. Not the best place to get piece of mind, what could be so important that she was, almost feverishly, pressing into the pages? Even the stumbling banter around her did not change her intense grasp of the pen in her hand. As if every moment was in dire need of being recorded, she continued. He stood there, intoxicated by her furrowed gaze.

A simple break
as she shakes her hand.

That's right, Terrance needs my help.

She starts to realize her surroundings and their eyes meet. Without hesitation she packs up her belongings, leaves some cash and flees. Jevin shakes his head. Christ, this is not the time to think of this. Continue onward, there was another reason for being here at this time, and SHE is not it. Step away from it and continue.

RE: Your blog looks ugly

2007-11-10T15:23:00.000-08:00

Happy Holidays!

*I swear, I do hate the holidays ever so much more right now then ever before.*

Well, the Christmas season is once again upon each and every soul that walks the streets. As the Badgers clenched a win today, I walked down the street toward my Anime Club venue to try and cheer myself up. After all, I just spent an entire day watching anime at home and doing random chores when I felt like it. Still have plenty to do, as always.

Then it hit me, those lights, the air, damn it all to hell they started with stringing up lights and "Christmas cheer" before one had time to get over their stomach aches from Halloween. (I would say before the shopkeepers had time to tape up their windows, but Halloween wasn't a riot this year, was it folks?)

So, Christmas, once again hits before Thanksgiving. I hate this, and not for the reasons that some may think. Sure, the whole push for everyone to spend, spend, SPEND does get annoying, but I can escape that by not buying anything. All I have to do is avoid going into any of the stores that I see until Christmas is over. No, my main gripe is that people don't seem to care nor notice Thanksgiving. We're supposed to be greedy little purchasing robots and surpass a day in its very name implies a sense of humble gratitude.

Thanksgiving: give thanks. I'm not going to try that whole, "we should be grateful on Christmas because that's the spirit of the day" junk. I know full well that no one, not even those who say that really know what Christmas IS all about. No one does, for it has been cleverly cloaked and twisted until no one understands how to celebrate it anymore. I only know this because there was a fight about saying "Merry Christmas" not too long ago. My friends, that marked the end of anyone understanding Christmas. (Quite frankly I don't think it was meant to stick out as the one and only day people are nice to each other. I'm pretty sure that "Christ's message" was more frequent then once a year.)

However, Thanksgiving can't be missed because the very name explains it all. It's not gourd-yourself-with-so-much-food-you-fall-into-a-coma day, nor is it watch-television-until-you-loose-all-feeling-in-your-rump day. It is simply a day of giving thanks. That's one thing that you really don't need a huge meal for, just enough for everyone to share bread. I personally have much to be thankful for, and so much more I wish I had. So in essence this post is to remind myself not to be envious of those who refuse to be simplistic about their lives. Just having someone to share the holidays with should be more then enough. At least for me, I would prefer it that way.

A holiday with friends, all bringing something to share, spending time just together, holidays remind us how unimportant things are in this world. Holidays have been bastardized into making us believe that we have to spend, spend, spend. However, in the end, who sits and says I wish I had gotten one more hour in at work? I can tell you because I've been there. The people who feel like they don't have anyone. Those who have nothing but the people they see at their job. The ones who end up spending time alone, at home, with no one there and no one to talk to.

So please, don't string those lights up too soon, take some time to remember, holidays are vacation and don't feel like there's a need for such mannerisms. Just spend some time remembering all that we have before you don't have it anymore.

And, as in the spirit of things:

I am thankful for:
friends who will travel just to see you smile (even if it's just a block)
family who actually are there to help
random high-fives from strangers
smiles
crisp clean-smelling air
a job
having money in my savings
my cat Pan
a wonderful, forgiving roommate
internet
Facebook (I can't believe this is going to stay in this list. Makes you wonder what I deleted, huh?)
concerts
conversation
Game Night
sleep
time to read books and watch anime
time in general
the fear being gone
Anime Club

Things I miss:
an SO
Melech
feeling like I can trust most people
church
classes
Hebrew class (you got me)
people in Louisville, esspecially M, E, S, S, M, L, L, A, E, and W (you can guess)

So Gosh Darn Excited!

2007-11-08T13:14:00.000-08:00

So, as this weekend comes closer, I realize I'm really getting pumped, almost to the point of forgetting that I'm sick!

Friday: Hanging out with K after work which will be awesome!

Saturday: at Music Hall for Popfest:
The Selfish Gene (interested in how they sound) 8:30
Malajube (just got into them purily by accident and then found out they will be at Popfest) 9:30
Sigur Ros 11:30

Sunday:
Day free to watch anime and get things done.

Monday:
I start my new job!

Dang, it's already here. I need to plan some stuff for the holidays, but the days are going fast!

If only I could get some stuff done here at work, then things would be pulling together. The problem with having many tasks to do at once is that I work on them all until I end up getting them all done at one time. This makes it feel like nothing is getting done until I finish it all. Ah, weekend, I can almost taste it!

evolution of my music tastes

2007-11-02T09:33:00.000-07:00

My life has always been subject to music as much as any individual. However, without much in the way of television before placing myself within the confines of college, I listened to much more radio then I think most people realize. (For those of you wondering, I still watched movies here and there on TV and kept up with recent television programs on occasion to sound normal)

I read a lot too, but that can be done while listening to music of course, as you all should know.

My mother was really into music performance before meeting my father and so my father (wanting to impress my mother) joined the local symphony playing the clarinet. Go fig that my dad would do such a thing and just waltz in and join after an audition. He's like me in some ways (I just get it into my head to do something and usually it works out. No equivalent exchange for us I guess.)

So, with that being one of his primary duties and then placing himself in the position of librarian as well, I was subject at an early age classical music. I fell in love with the sounds of the French horn, viola, and piano. As I grew older, I would listen to classical music more and more. Of course, my aunt would not have me be so oblivious to common pop culture and purchased for me two cassette tapes for Christmas one year: Cathy Dennis (Move to This) and Paula Abdul (Forever Your Girl).

I listened to them and actually got to the point of memorizing their lyrics. Much to my shame now-a-days I do sing along to any of the songs found on these albums when they play around me.

For the next year, I received a radio for Christmas and I did use it repeatedly. I started to listen to listen to "top 40" countdowns and that's where I heard Ace of Base for the first time. Their CD "The Sign." I got criticized for listening to them. Most people quoting "All their songs sound the same" and "They really aren't that good." Well, sorry, but I loved them and I still like listening to their music. Though I listen to other things much more often. I also still absolutely love "Happy Nation" and screw you all you music snobs who stick your nose in the air and reject me. It's a good song darn it!

Sorry, I'll continue:

Oddly enough, listening to Ace of Base gave way to my pursuit of New Age. Don't ask me how. I really don't know. However, I started to listen to them on MusicMatch by adding them to my preferred artists. I got a mix of New Age and what I now know as Trance.

After walking through the dorm one day, however, I heard music loud and clear coming from the middle of the hallway (Ex's room). I inquired to what he was listening to (Flaming Lips) and started a new station as that being the sole artist on the station to match. The result?

Built to Spill
Radiohead
Mercury Rev
Pavement
Bjork (also on my past station)
Moby (also on my past station)
Flaming Lips (imagine that they match themselves!)
Modest Mouse
Muse

Now most of you will recognize those artists as some of my favorites. Yes, indeed they were/still might be. Most of you also know that with my time spent with my Ex caused me to refuse or at least stop listening to the music I was listening to. Mostly any way since there are a number of artists that we could agree on, but not many.

So from there I let my music take flight, allowing myself to go where my tastes lead me. Currently I'm moving into J-Pop and well, Trance again. Don't know how long the Trance thing will last considering that I can only really listen to it if I'm writing (like right now) or when I'm cleaning (mostly upbeat dance stuff then though). I have been listening to what seems to be hybrids between New Age and Trance (utilization of different instrumentation in order to achieve some dance-like mixes that have a strong use of classical instruments).

So:
From Classical (more of the Romantic for you music nerds out there) and Jazz
to Current Pop
to New Age and Trance
to Indie, Underground, and Indie Rock (with a short break into Bluegrass)
to J-Pop and Trance
to who knows?

I'm still hoping to make a musical tastes map and draw out some kind-of connector that would allow me to make sense of my musical taste progression. However, I know that right now, I'm wanting to become more acquainted with that which is popular overseas.

Till next time.

Oh and for those who do not know: I got a job and will be secure until I reach Louisville once more.

"You think you're not worthy...

2007-10-26T07:08:00.000-07:00

I have to say that I agree."

Everything at work is spiralling out of control. Yesterday I found out that it's more then just grant money that is needed to keep me on-board. As an LTE, my appointment is supposed to be limited, hence Limited Term Employment. At most in a year I can only work 1,040 hours. Let's have fun with math, shall we?

1,040 hours / 40 hours per week = 26 weeks
26 weeks = half a year or 6 months (of course I've been working between 30 and 40 hours per week so it's more like 6.5 months for me)

So, I've been working since May. May, June, July, August, September, October: 5 months. After this week, I'll have 237.7 hours left on my appointment. Now, generally my generation wouldn't be caught dead working for the man, however I need a job and am looking for one with a fever. However, looking for other jobs is not going well at all. I've even resorted to applying for grocery stores (something I promised myself I wouldn't do after leaving Pick 'N Save). Anyone that works at one knows that it sucks working there so I'm not going to pretend that I didn't mind it. At least at Target I was able to slack off easily and not deal with pissy people (just turn around and ignore).

And now I got too much at stake. I need to find something, ANYTHING. This is frustrating. Because of the budget being in the situation it is, all my connections have their hands tied. Until that gets resolved, no one can do anything for me. I would have 6 jobs lined up right now if it weren't for the Wisconsin State Legislator keeping their thumbs up their... I digress. All I need to do is find something till May, then I'm out of here. I hope I can find a sublet in Louisville too, because it looks like there is no housing currently.

There must be a light of some kind, and there is some hope. Since my job duties that were originally part of the appointment I started with have changed significantly (I'm now managing some people and responsible for more stuff then before), they may be able to change my appointment by just updating my job description which would mean a refreshment of hours. I would start with 1040 again. However, I still need to have another job for a little bit in there for it to work (don't ask me why. I don't want to get into it.)

I hope you believe me when I say I'm trying. My employer is working with me on this which is good. He is willing to do all the paperwork and help me in so many ways. I feel worth something and it feels good. So, hopefully I can get a temp job in here somewhere and then things will work out. Stress is mounting, but it's okay. I can handle it as long as I get to vent.

On a positive note: I did get my costume done. So, pictures of that will come soon along with the tale of my journey through the sewing project. Trust me, it's an epic tale filled with trials and heartache. I have been fighting the good fight.

(Can you find the Ani DiFranco quotes in here? If not, that's okay. If you can name the album I'm listening to, props!)

Big Sigh

2007-10-22T08:44:00.000-07:00

I had the longest, most enjoyable week ever. For starters, I cashed in on some overtime to get some time off this past week. I worked 60 long hours the week of the 8th and so my boss in his infinite wisdom told me that I could take some time off this week and count those hours towards it. I technically don't have comp. time, but hey, this works.

So, I only worked 2 and 1/2 days last week. Monday and Tuesday were kind-of long. I didn't want to be at work and I wanted to be packing. Even so, I still managed to finish the two days easily enough. When I got home on Monday, I decided to start work on my costume for Halloween*.

I packed Tuesday, cleaned the apartment as much as I could (clean cat litter, clean main room, vacuum, wipe down counter space, get all my stuff in my room where it belongs, the usual).

Tuesday night I went to Game Night and it was fun. After driving everyone home, I headed out to Louisville. That's right, I left at 1:30 in the morning to go to Louisville. I ended up getting there around noon. Twice I needed to stop and rest. Once in Louisville, I felt like I was home. It was nice to finally feel that way about a place. It also made it hard for me to leave.

Met up with people. Had dinner at a most wonderful Mexican restaurant. Then, Emily and I went to the Elvis Costello/Bob Dylan concert. Personally, I wasn't too impressed with Bob Dylan and people started to toke up so, we needed to leave. As some of you know, I'm allergic. Thank you Violent Femmes and concert goers for helping me find that out.

Costello was amazing! This trip was worth every second and then some! He got the crowd to follow along on some of the songs, but for the most part, we were all kind-of sad. He played nothing from North which didn't surprise me. I didn't recognize anything from My Aim Is True either, which bugged me. I enjoyed the concert, and loved all of the songs, it's just, well, I didn't know them well enough to be able to say what was played. It was just Costello and his 5 guitars up on stage, no band. So that may explain some things.

Amos Lee was the opening act which was cool. I liked the songs I heard and Emily said they were all new. I think I'll be looking into his music next, if I get a chance.

Dylan got the Yoko treatment (leaving after a couple songs just so I can say that I have seen him in concert. See the Pitchfork write-up for the Yoko reference).

Coming back to the seminary I was able to hang out with Sebastian and Aaron. Eventually got some sleep in there and headed off to see Linda for lunch.

During my visit at LPTS, I'm still being mistaken for Monica. Seriously, we don't look that much alike. STOP IT! I also kept getting double takes. People would walk past, say hi, then after a couple steps turn around and ask, "What are you doing here?" And it did sound about that hostile sometimes. I'm going to have so much fun returning. Basically because I feel I'm going to be ignoring a lot of folks (the ones who seem to not want me there?).

I can't wait to come back and see some more people. I didn't get to see Marie or Sandra. I was lucky enough to see Emily, McKenzie, and Scott though. I hope to see them again soon. Well, soon enough anyway!

Now back to work and then off to costume making. I need more fabric. One of the disadvantages to working without a pattern. :-)

*Side note: Saturday before Halloween Anime Club is having a costume contest. I don't expect to win, hell I'm not that great at sewing, but I do plan on having fun dressing as Witch Hunter Robin. Then I will wear the same costume to work where no one will know who or what I am. :-) I also will have pictures of my progress as it goes. I'm now trying to do this without a pattern which is very, VERY scary.

How awesome it would be...

2007-10-05T08:22:00.000-07:00

When I was a girl, I used to read the American Girl series. It was in our church library and since I spent most of my time as a kid there I ended up reading practically everything in that library (hence my familiarity with some of the books/subject matter that we talk about in seminary).

Among the books, I always enjoyed reading American Girl. It took my working knowledge of American history and placed it into a fantasy world of females that were brave, strong, and intelligent. Being a true girl scout, these were all things that I wanted to be on my list of qualities.

My fascination with American Girl lead me to the public library and then the bookstore for more since the church library had so few of each person. At most having only the first two books of each character.

After 6th or 7th grade, I stopped reading the books and went for more challenging literature. However, these books gave me a strong sense of duty (stronger then the girl scouts or my church believe it or not) and drove me to volunteer and work for the community long after my girl scout troop disbanded.

In 4th grade (this was during the time I was reading the series) we were asked to make a life map. Ideally it was an exercise to see how much we little kids thought of our own futures and what we see ourselves doing. Most kids were still doing the whole, I want to be a firefighter thing and a couple wanted to be Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

I, of course, stood out actually planning a form of life path looking at what I seriously could/want to do. My teacher of course didn't think I could even get close to anything beyond what was needed for a high school drop-out. After all, she, like every teacher, thought I couldn't read. I just have to say, being dyslexic is a bitch when you're a kid if no one thinks to test you. You are labeled "slow" or even worse "a lost cause." Both I fell into and I was left alone most of the time during class. Enough of that, so, I wrote (funny how they thought I couldn't read yet I could write just fine) that I wanted to be a veterinarian (yes I even spelt it right when I was a kid), possibly for a zoo (I figured that would be hard to do) and then after retiring I would like to write books like the American Girl series about girls of modern day from different backgrounds who have to work hard to get through life.

So, you are all saying, yes, this is all nice, but get to it girl.

Well, I may be working for American Girl!!!!! I'm super excited! It would be for the IT department, but I would just love to work there regardless!!! Oh, I could only dream before, working for a company. Actually, I never dreamt because I thought that it would be too difficult to do this for the actual American Girl company. I could only dream and it may be that through a temp job, I may get a small slice of it before I continue on the path I've carved for myself.

So, today is a great day. I get to listen to Sparklehorse at work, a new job has opened long lost dreams, and Geek Kon is this weekend. Cloud 9? I'd say Cloud 100!!!! It feels so incredibly good right now, I never want down from this high!!!

Decided

2007-10-03T20:39:00.001-07:00

Of course, reading a title like that implies importance that there was agony and a lengthy process was pursued in order to come to a conclusion that was painful to rationalize.

Far from it, I just decided to place at least Witch Hunter Robin as my next anime choice. That is all.

Pic update!

At some point I'll show my mastery of MS Paint and compile a picture that looks less like just a bunch of cut out boxes. That will happen much later. For the time being, this is what I got and I'll continue to add to it as I continue to expand my anime knowledge and viewing.

I also have been severely tempted to take a trip down to Louisville to see Elvis Costello. That show is happening in a couple weeks and I'm extremely depressed that I'm not going... So very depressed.

The hours I waste...

2007-10-01T23:26:00.000-07:00

Well, it may seem as though I waste them. If any of you who are reading this through Facebook actually visit my blog, you'll see a couple of things on the sidebar. One such item are the bands I have seen (those worth mentioning) and the bands I wish to see (that I believe are still touring. Pavement is on there only because I keep hearing that they are back together. I have no idea.)

Other then the huge list of labels directing the reader to different past posts, there is of course the continuous countdown of anime I watch, yes though it may be at work, online. Why would I watch anime at work? Well, Timmy, it is rather simple:

1. I have a boss that doesn't care, or even thinks some of the stuff I'm watching is interesting.
2. I don't have that much to do because I get many things done quickly.
3. Reading a book looks too much on the outside like I'm not doing anything.
4. Sleeping at work really looks too much like I'm not doing anything.
5. I can only play so much Solitaire and Hearts.

There you have it. Now, how much time have I spent watching said anime? Well Timmy, aren't you nosey. Lucky for you, I don't care to profess/confess how much I've watched. Some of this was at home (the end of FMA and Loveless for example. I needed to finish them. No seriously, I NEEDED to finish them. FMA I didn't even go home, I went to the nearest library.)

From most recent (on top) to least recent (bottom):

Loveless (12 episodes x 23 minutes per episode = 4 hours and 36 minutes)

Wolf's Rain (26 episodes (to everyone's warning, I skipped the 4 recap episodes) x 23 minutes per episode = 9 hours and 58 minutes)

Ghost Stories (4 episodes (I'm watching the rest in Anime Club) x 23 minutes per episode = 1 hour and 32 minutes)

Elfen Lied (13 episodes x 23 minutes per episode = 4 hours and 59 minutes)

Ah! My Goddess (26 (painful) episodes x 23 minutes per episode = a lifetime oops, that's what it felt like, um 9 hours and 58 minutes)

Fruits Basket (26 episodes x 23 minutes per episode = 9 hours and 58 minutes) (watched it again after watching at Sari's)

FLCL (6 episodes x 23 minutes per episode = 2 hours and 18 minutes)

Chobits (27 (another one of painful) episodes x 23 minutes per episode = 10 hours and 21 minutes)

Full Metal Alchemist (51 episodes x 23 minutes per episode = 19 hours and 33 minutes)

Paranoia Agent (13 episodes x 23 minutes per episode = 4 hours and 59 minutes)

Inuyasha (167 freakin' episodes x 23 minutes per episode = 64 hours and 1 minute)

Not to mention the movies:

4 Inuyasha movies x 100 minutes per movie = 6 hours and 40 minutes

1 FMA movie = 105 minutes or 1 hour and 45 minutes

total:

+276
+598
+92
+299
+598
+598
+138
+621
+1173
+299
+3841
+400
+105
=9,038 minutes which equals: 6 days 6 hours and 38 minutes

Yes, I have nearly watched a full week's worth of anime at work. With my employment nearing a close, it is all I can do to get that last 17 hours and 22 minutes in. 4 seasons, I should choose wisely. I'm thinking Samurai Champloo and Cowboy Bebop. Those would both be reruns for me. Any suggestions?

I need about 45 episodes.

This graphic took too long and the clouds were added after everything was said and done, not before. Those are it, can you identify them all? I'm sure you can, at least I'm sure Sari can. :-)

This post took 3 hours and 44 minutes (most of that was the graphic, a little of it was the math)

That is all for now.

Say what, a new job?!?

2007-09-28T09:13:00.000-07:00

So, I got an email saying:

ASAP
Clerical Assistant in HR dept. in Madison, WI
Rate: $14.00/hr

Please send your resume.

I sent my resume and availablitiy.

Next email:

We are interested in hiring you.

WTF?!? No interview? Hell, if it's this easy...

Well, it's my first offer. I have an interview later today for a UW position as an Office Associate level 2 (basically that translates to, oh you have experience with IADs and WISDM? Shit man, we'll give you more money to work here). If I get the UW position, screw the other job. Otherwise, I GOT A FREAKIN' JOB!!!

I think, no I will, no, wait, wait ARG!

2007-08-29T09:43:00.000-07:00

I want to move back. I have this urge, and it's more then just missing people. I am starting to realize that Madison should just be my college town and leave it at that. It is fun, but I need to move on...

So, I want to move back, back to Louisville. Why? I hope that I may enter the MFT program and by doing so, get certified to become a councilor. I really would like to do this. I have wanted to do this and right now, the whole minister thing is a little scary.

So, how do I do this? Well, I start saving right now. I also start looking for a second job and work my butt off so that I have the money to be able to do this.

I'll find my place but in the mean time, I need to go back. I made a mistake leaving.

That is all for right now. I know I'll be staying in Madison at least until my lease runs out, possibly longer, but that is doubtful.

snicker

2007-08-23T09:39:00.000-07:00

So, my employer is trying to make serious conversation about the milk prices and how they are affecting the market/farmers. While he discusses such elaborate important information, my ears hear "Saint Simon" by The Shins in the background. You have no need to be familiar with the song (the overall message of the song did not make me snicker) in order to understand the joke of it. As he was discussing and trying to be serious the "la la da dum" part came on making it impossible for me to fully take in the seriousness of the conversation (we are seeing record high everything here at the office).

Ah well, back to work.

Kyon-Kyon

2007-08-21T08:51:00.000-07:00

Yes, I may very well have a new kitten. This weekend I plan to meet this cutie. His name being March, but if we click, his name will change to Kyon-Kyon. Why? Well, because I've been watching Fruits Basket with Sari, that's why!

Kyo is the cat "from" the Zodiac. Now, most of you who actually know the Zodiac would say, "Hey, there's no cat in the Zodiac." **tee hee that sounds funny out loud**

Well, if you want an explanation, read the Manga or watch the episodes (link on the right under "Anime I waste time at work watching...").

Tschau for now!

The Great Flood of '98

2007-08-20T11:35:00.000-07:00

Recently I've been recalling the flood that I experienced in Sheboygan in August of 1998.

The summer of 1998 in Sheboygan, Wisconsin was full of bustle. The Disney Parade was fast approaching. Being that I was to enter my second year of high school, I was to have the distinct honor of playing within the marching band from our combined high schools. With this point placed in many letter, our conductor, Mr. Parks, made sure that if we were to be joining in on these festivities, we were to be fully polished.

The entire summer consisted of drills and memorization of music. No one was to use music while marching. No one was to march out of step. Weeks and weeks of practice, thus, Wednesday night proved to be much of the same. I came home exhausted from practice and flopped on my bed to sleep until I woke to repeat.

Thursday, August 6, 1998

I woke before my alarm to a loud thunder strike. I looked out the window to notice a torrential downpour. I looked at my clock and moaned, 5:06 AM. I roll out of bed realizing that trying to go back to sleep would be futile (I needed to get up at 5:30 if I was going to be at the school in time). After completing my daily hygiene routine, I descended upon the first floor of our house. Turning on the television, I made way to prep for band, completing warm-ups.

The rain became harder and with another strike of lightning, the house shook as an explosion simultaneously happened. At this point, standing in my quiet small living room, I realized two things. One: this was no normal storm. Two: my parents are going to kill me for the now shattered vase on the floor.

With all of this in mind, I still made way to the high school. Going past the graveyard on North Avenue, I noticed the once storage building for all gasoline like products was no more. With firemen waste deep in water, they were trying to put out the flames. A sight to hold, but I was going to be late.

Once at North High it was more obvious that there wasn't going to be any practice today. I being the only one other then Mr. Parks to show up, we sat a while as the water slowing ascended step by step from the basement to the ground floor. "Go home."

Traveling back in the rain, I noticed it was letting up a bit.

Some facts to entertain yourselves with:

When I woke: Between 5:03 AM and 5:39 AM 1.00 inches rained down on Sheboygan.

When I walked to North: Between 6:10 AM and 6:53 AM 2.89 inches poured down on Sheboygan.

When I walked back: Between 7:17 AM and 7:29 AM 0.47 inches rained down on Sheboygan.

That afternoon, my mother, brother, and I wondered how my father was to come home in the Geo Metro designed possibly to float, but not tare through flood waters.

The next several days I spent skipping out of practice to help fellow family friends bleach and clean out their houses. There was plenty to replace what had been lost once we all pitched in, including toys and games. I doubt I could have found a better home for the My Little Pony collection I had acquired from my younger years.

I nearly ended up not being in the parade that following Saturday. Mr. Parks was quite clear about dedication, but knowing where I had been, and what I was doing, he couldn't have won that argument, though I was tired myself and wouldn't have minded just sitting with the kids watching the spectacle unveil. The event was rather surreal. People lined up, all celebrating down by the harbor when just blocks away homes hardly stood with broken foundations.

Our city seemed magically fixed, even though it was in a state of emergency. All in all, 10.75" fell upon Sheboygan that morning. Total cost of damage to Sheboygan and surrounding areas was about $55 million. Even in 2001, when I was leaving for college, I could still see the remnants of the flood and it's damage to our city. North High still had some rooms that needed paint to cover the watermark. Houses in sections of the city still had broken foundations. Of course, these are sections visitors will never see, short of getting lost or knowing someone in those parts. Our city was very keen on cleaning up the visible and leaving the rest to fend for itself.

My cluelessness and my inability to see just what was happening around me (to the point of going to the school in the rain, while passing a sight where an explosion took place), this all upsets me now as I look back. I should be better adjusted now, but still I find myself blind to much of the suffering around me. I pass through life without many cares, but my own. Hopefully at some point, I'll satisfy myself and not by lowering my standards. Until then, I'll have to force watch things that make my soul want to turn away and hope for the best.

Melech 2001-2007

2007-08-09T12:02:00.000-07:00

For those of you who were lucky enough to meet Melech, I had to put him down last Saturday morning (August 4, 2007). The growth on his jaw was oral SCC cancer and there wasn't anything they could do to fix, stop, delay the growth. SCC cancer does not respond to radioactive treatments. Thus, I had to put him to sleep.

He was a very good kitty and I'll miss him terribly.

RIP Melech

Pitchfork Music Festival

2007-07-16T08:23:00.000-07:00

The past weekend was an amazing one. I saw more bands that I've wanted to see (or at least interested in) then during my whole life. Added on the side is a list of musicians I've seen and those that I would like to see. Some bands people know I like may not be on there (mostly because the band is not together by reasons of death, break-up, what-have-you).

The first day started with Ken Vandermark's Powerhouse Sound which was a jazz band with four instruments. Amanda, I know that you would really like this band. All the musicians were great, but the percussionist really struck me hard for some reason or another. Most of Saturday was enjoying the company of friends and taking in all that was around me. I've never spent time in Chicago outside of business or just driving through. The weather was excellent, highs never reaching above 85, and the food was tasty of course.

A main act that a couple of us wanted to see was Cat Power. Charlyn Marshall, the lead singer, kept apologizing for her voice and for the sound quality. Normally these are things that I pick-up on, thanks to years of being in bands, symphonies, and on sound crews, but I didn't notice. Of course, there is the added point that I realized later in the day, I don't listen to Cat Power that much, hence, I probably won't notice pitch and sound modulations that a huge fan or the actual song writer might. Besides, in every performance there are things that could've gone better. Every solo that I've completed, every single one, I've always felt weird when people would tell me that it went well. I always felt like saying, "well, I flubbed this and missed that, and had the wrong tempo here." Ah well, it was a good concert and we did stay for about 5-10 minutes of Yoko Ono (I can truthfully say I saw her in concert). I did get some purchases made this day as well, including an awesome panda t-shirt (oh those of you who know me, understand how significant this is) and Gimmie Fiction, a Spoon album that I really need to own and how could I pass up $10 for it? Also, if anyone who went to Pitchfork mentions to you there was some nerd reading "The Joy of Pi" at the festival, that was me.

The next day was crazy. It started with Deerhunter which was a fairly good concert. The sound was way off. I couldn't hear the vocals and I know I'm supposed to hear them throughout. The Ponys were right after Deerhunter (on another stage) and they kept messing with the sound during that performance as well. At one point, half of the speakers turned off. They also messed with the bass and the vocal microphones turning the volume up and down. Overall, I'm disappointed about this. The sound guys also messed around on the A stage during Stephen Malkmus's set on the C stage causing distracting points during the concert. Menomena was a pleasant surprise. I found that I really enjoyed them (I didn't know who they were beforehand). Amanda, you would like them too, especially since they use a sax in their band, but more-so, they sound good.

The end of the day was hectic. Start with Stephen Malkmus performing mostly Pavement songs (nearly ruining some of them for me). The whole point I like the songs of Pavement: good songs performed by good artists. Some of those songs are not meant to be played by just one person.

Of Montreal followed Stephen Malkmus. I didn't move over to that stage. I had a little grudge against Of Montreal and didn't feel a need to move over to that stage. In 2005, Of Montreal was supposed to perform at Union South here on campus. I was excited and went to go see them. Well, they started a full hour early and ended by time they were supposed to start. I was told at the time this was their fault and got annoyed. So, I boycotted them for a while. At the end of their concert on Sunday, I found out that it was really the advertising committee that screwed that up. It wasn't a last minute decision, they had given at least a week of notice and no one bothered to do more then post a couple fliers a day or two before the concert on State Street. I do have one thing to say, depressed and sad are not their forte. They should try and stick with the pop feel they had before. That's just my gut feeling at the moment.

For the final concert I went to see, I got to the front row! If it weren't for the press pit, I would have been right next to the stage. The New Pornographers rocked and if they come to Madison again, I will try my darnest to see them again. There are hardly words to express how incredible this concert was! The sound quality was most excellent. The energy was flowing. They even did an encore for us (stick it to De La Soul). I was ecstatic and full of energy after the performance. It was a thrill!

So, all in all, it was an amazing experience. I will go next year, provided I see bands I want to see. Of course, I think that won't be a problem. I do need to remember a couple of things for next year: hat, sunscreen, sunglasses, toilet paper, no need to bring water, bring a jacket, and bring a camera.

That last one is most important. I tried to find my digital and couldn't locate it anywhere. This being most disappointing because I could have gotten some excellent pictures of many bands. What can I say, except missed opportunity and I'll look to fix that next time.

~Savav

eww

2007-07-09T13:33:00.000-07:00

I have to get this off my chest:

My employer is disgusting me right now. I seriously feel nauseous. Between the constant snorting of phlegm and the drinking of water in large gulping noises, I'm not sure how much more I can take! ick...

This is why I think I feel so old...

2007-06-25T12:01:00.001-07:00

You've Experienced 68% of Life

You have all of the life experience that most adults will ever get.
And unless you're already in your 40s, you're probably wise beyond your years.

How Much Life Experience Do You Have?

Time

2007-06-19T11:29:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting at work (of course with everything done already) and I'm looking at my screen. In the background, Wilco is playing. "...why, I wonder, is my heart full of holes..." I sit just wondering, should I stay? Should I go? Do I really have things that need to get done? Can I take a moment?

Yes... I finally got it. I got why and how I can be happy here and now. It was strange as the smile crept to my face without my own conscious effort being enforced. I have time. I have time to not do anything. I've been so fixated on getting things done and having deadlines, so much in fact that I've poured into my work getting the entire report fixed, edited, and polished within a month (normal time line for this benchmark is 5 months). "...will I catch the moon..."

Time. Having some to just be able to relax is amazing. My heart breathes and now I am sitting here. "...if this is only a test, I hope I do my best..." I don't have things to do and I'm not making myself busy. "...you know I won't forget..." I feel the calm. It is beautiful.

I move to pavement outside. "...will I set the sun..." Sure glad it's not raining, nor is it cloudy. When emotions are faux for so long, and the genuine is about as frequent as a pygmy rabbit, it's hard to believe that I'm feeling is a form of joy.

It feels light. It feels like I give a sh** about what is around me. It feels comforting. "...I'm worried..."

And with that, feeling happy means new things, including: fear, worries, anxiety... but that doesn't matter. Smiling feels good.

As the song changes (yo la tengo): "...darkness always turns into the dawn..." Fitting, even with the given title.

2007-06-05T13:55:00.001-07:00

Never Date a Cancer

Clingy, emotional, and very private - it's hard to escape a Cancer's clutches.
And while Cancer will want to know everything about you, they're anything but open in return.

Instead try dating: Leo, Sagittarius, Gemini, or Aquarius

What Sign Shouldn't You Date?

Guess my mood

2007-05-31T07:58:00.000-07:00

Without going to the quiz itself, can you guess what kind of mood I'm in to produce this:

You Are Best Described By...

Eye
By M.C. Escher

What Famous Work of Art Are You?

After days...

2007-05-25T08:59:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm now a child that is not to speak and only to be harassed at a whim. Thanks.

(I know you're reading this and even though I wish you weren't I'm going to make sure that you know all about my new fun exciting life all because YOU'RE NOT IN IT)

Enjoy!

Leaving a Facebook group

2007-05-23T12:52:00.000-07:00

While on Facebook, I cannot keep from noticing that there is a group for everything. Actually there's about 10 groups for everything (at least the more obscure ones). What do my groups say about me?

For starters, I recycle continuously. I do not like to have more then 15 groups at a given time and that is the absolute most. If I notice the list getting long, well, it's time to snip.

So I'm a little flighty when it comes to facebook groups, no biggie. The fact that I'm taking time to write about it in a blog, that's a little more troubling.

As it stands, I am a part of 6 groups (after a long 20 group cut-off). Most of my groups are local and are part of the scene I'm currently interested in/involved in. For instance, "Vaguely Discuieting - The Better, More Inclusive Group" is a team for Ultimate Frisbee for the summer I'm a part of. MadPubQuiz, another thing I would like to start doing.

Then comes the, "I joined it because someone else joined it" groups. These normally are gone within the month. Currently I've just removed those but in that population of groups in which I was subscribed to included "Have you Hugged a Presbyterian Today?" Now, I believe I saw that Jamie joined this, though I could be wrong. What did I hope with this group? Come on now. Of course, what do I plan to accomplish with any of these groups.

Well, the local ones, just to show mu support for my friends and relations, nothing more. The "nerdy" ones (Firefly..., Pluto...) to show (hopefully) my sense of humor. I guess they also show I'm able to "get the joke," whatever that's worth.

Then there is the ninja panda group. This is the first and longest group I've been a part of and I cannot tell you why, but I can share this photo:

It's me. It's Halloween. Anyone who knows me, knows my panda alternative identity. Anyone who knows me from high school probably has a signed copy of the poem that started it all.

(Un)Fortunately I won't be sharing this poem here and for the record, it takes some drinks before I'm willing to recite it on spot. Otherwise, if you don't have money, get ready for a lengthy explanation of how the poem came into existence.

Not much of an analysis but hey, this is Facebook and blogger I'm using here. Do you expect any higher quality?

I didn't think so.

~Savav

Self portrait #3: Joy and Pain

2007-05-23T10:51:00.000-07:00

I just want to say...

2007-05-22T10:18:00.001-07:00

that Circus Animal Cookies are the best! Yum!

Forgotten perks!

2007-05-22T09:06:00.000-07:00

After not working here in Animal Sciences for some time, I've forgotten some of the great parts about working here. So I've complied a list over the last couple of days in my mind and wish to share if anything, number 1 (last) is by far the best. Enjoy!

12: No hard labor
11: Networking is a snap
10: I'm already loved
9: Coffee is free
8: They don't charge for direct deposit
7: I get reception for my cell phone
6: Talking with old friends is part of my job duties
5: The money is great ($13 per hour baby!)
4: Free Internet anywhere on campus
3: Free bus pass to get me anywhere in Madison
2: Great job security (it took them 3 people to replace me before)

... and number 1:
All the people my age are hot Brazilian men who work in the labs here!

So now the only thing that I wish to have is a place to call my own and I'll be doing that come June 1! Things are coming together and I couldn't be happier.

I'm home?

2007-05-14T10:31:00.000-07:00

I'm torn, really torn. I want to stay here, I want to finish, I want to leave, I want to be in Wisconsin, I want to live, I want to move, I want to sleep, I want, I want, I want...

It will truly be good to get away. It will truly be good to live with family and friends. It will truly be good to get, well, home. I remember my separation anxiety when I was leaving. The capitol building was always a sight of comfort. Now I stare at the seminary campus that I'm leaving behind me and I feel a twinge. Ah me, I want to keep everyone and everything in one place and that isn't able to be accomplished.

Home... home, what does it mean to come home? It definitely is not the place a grew up in, nor is it here in Louisville. But is it Madison? Is it in the hearts of family and friends? Those that I feel a pull toward? Home is where the pandas are I guess and right now they are all packed. It feels like I was writing pandas on all my boxes.

The hilarity of my cat springing forth from boxes scaring an already on edge me just made things that much harder. I guess I'll look back on that and smile but as for right now, it looks more to be an annoyance.

I drown in my own anxiety as I pursue a way to break forth. No longer do I wish to shine and be the center of attention. I'm fully satisfied with being a behind the scenes girl. Of course, this is only backlash from the current swing of things but I think it would be nice to keep to the back and give suggestive looks from afar. In all ways, I need to just take it easy and day by day. I think this is the best course of action, I think.

Today:

2007-05-14T08:59:00.000-07:00

Monday:
8:00-12:00 HCE final (check)
12:00-1:30 work (currently being done)
1:30-2:45 pack (still working so this is out)
2:45-3:30 work
3:30-4:00 massage
4:00-5:00 get paperwork done for leaving seminary and meet with David
5:00-6:00 get truck
6:00-8:00 get big stuff on truck and hopefully some of the more heavy boxes.
8:00-? write paper for Hebrew

I see that right now I'm looking toward more pleasent tomorrows. For I am the turtle coasting on the current. Ever moving, never sleeping, slowly but surely making it through all twists and turns. Lord, I am not ready.

The next two days:

2007-05-13T14:21:00.000-07:00

Monday:
8:00-12:00 HCE final
12:00-1:30 work
1:30-2:45 pack
2:45-3:30 work
3:30-5:00 pack/study?
5:00-6:00 get truck
6:00-8:00 get big stuff on truck and hopefully some of the more heavy boxes.
8:00-? write paper for Hebrew

Tuesday:
6:30-10:00 go downtown to get files taken care of
10:30-11:00 work
11:00-2:30 pack/load truck
2:30-3:00 get place signed off for inspection
3:00-3:30 work and say goodbye
3:30-6:00 pack rest of stuff on truck and clean like mad
7:00-9:00 Knit wits
9:30 depart for Madison

Wednesday:
8:00 arrive in Madison
8:30 breathe

I will survive.

2007-05-07T10:34:00.000-07:00

It keeps me going.

What have I done?

2007-05-06T17:40:00.000-07:00

italics = in the making
plain = done
bold = still needs to be done

Go to Oaks Party at a fellow LPTS student's house.
Get Essay 2 done for HCE
Get Essay 3 done for HCE
Get Essay 4 done for HCE
Get boxes I have packed
Pay cell phone bill
Do 4 loads of laundry
Buy groceries
Rewrite CA Paper 1 for Hebrew
Translate Psalm 13 again
Find books on Psalms in general
Go to church
Translate whatever I need to for Hebrew class
Write notes on translation
Get study guide for HCE ready

Well, I kind-of got stuff done. At least things are started. I'll be pecking more at the list this week and adding these things to it:
Call Mary Ann
Call U-Haul
Take care of couch
Talk to Donna
Set laptop up for online use
Get guidelines for final in Hebrew
Set up forwarding address
Go to Knit Wits
Clean out cat litter

And there is probably more then that.

I think...

2007-05-05T17:48:00.001-07:00

I think the worst part, the absolute worst part, is the fear.

Part of the way done...

2007-05-04T13:03:00.000-07:00

Yet I have so much to do. I totally got an A on my scripture exam so now all I have to hope for is that Gene was nice on grading my two essays. I'm currently looking to the next couple of tasks this weekend to accomplish:

Go to Oaks Party at a fellow LPTS student's house.
Get Essay 2 done for HCE
Get Essay 3 done for HCE
Get Essay 4 done for HCE
Get boxes I have packed
Pay cell phone bill
Do 4 loads of laundry
Buy groceries
Rewrite CA Paper 1 for Hebrew
Translate Psalm 13 again
Find books on Psalms in general
Go to church
Translate whatever I need to for Hebrew class
Write notes on translation
Get study guide for HCE ready

We'll see how many of those I actually get done. Off to the races! IT'S DERBY!

What I should be doing vs.

2007-05-03T06:19:00.000-07:00

So, I should be writing a paper on this:

1. Describe the major methods of biblical research employed in the “literary paradigm” and indicate how they may assist pastors/teachers/counselors in interpreting the Bible.

So far I have about 1/2 of that done. I also should be working on my Hebrew final, 3 essays for History of Christian Experience and not to mention studying for all my classes. I have a solo for choir tomorrow that I have yet to really practice (going in early to practice with Tom, like I'm going to be ready for that) and I have to pack. Yet, here I am, writing on this thing.

I guess I'm just so frustrated right now. I'm confused and nothing seems to be solid in my life. Not to mention I still may not have a place to stay come my move to Madison. All I really want is some stability. I have no idea where I'll be living, what I'll be getting as far as grades, nor do I know where my family will be living when I move to WI. About the only thing that is stable right now is my job and I'm afraid I just jynxed that!

Okay, enough of me venting. I need to get to work. After all, I do have an exam tonight... sigh

~Love and peace,
Savav

Warning signs of abuse:

2007-04-20T13:15:00.000-07:00

If one or more of the following things describes your partner, you may want to consider talking with someone about the relationship, according to Women’s Transitional Care Services:

• has a history of bad relationships, is secretive about past relationships or seems to only have bad things to say about most past partners. He wanted to know all about my past life and I still don't know all of his. All his past girlfriends were "crazy" or "ugly." I guess I'll be joining these ranks.

• pressures you into doing things you don’t want to do. One of you knows a big one in this category. Other things were just going to all his functions or taking him to work (even when I was too sick to drive).

• is jealous or possessive. On a night he had to work in college, I wanted to go to a friend's birthday party. He got extremely jealous over my friend (who was a female). I wasn't allowed to spend time with any men unless there was a group involved. Whenever in social interaction with others, he would always cling to me to let others know I was "his."

• uses looks and gestures to intimidate you by communicating that he or she is getting angry. If I talked in any sense that was "immature" according to his judgements or if I giggled too much. Hell, if I got angry, sad, happy, or anything else, I would get "the look." I would always cringe about it and eventually gave to others knowing that I would hear about it later. He always gave me hell if my friends acted in ways he didn't like.

• criticizes you constantly for the way you look, act, dress, parent or talk, or for your interests. He would tell me that I looked like a whore whenever I wore make-up. I had to wear clothing that was conservative whenever going outside. Inside, I had to wear "sexy or nothing." If I used "like" in a sentence wrong or other ways of talk that one may find in a high school I was stopped and told to repeat the sentence properly 10 times. Also, if I used grammar incorrectly or pronounced a word wrong. I couldn't be happy, especially if he wasn't and I would constantly be reminded that I was "getting too hyper" when I would get excited about something. I constantly started to check myself and now I find it hard to laugh when I'm in public. Not to mention the whole incident where he would make me go on the scale in the morning and record the weight on a calendar in the main room.

• tells you or makes you feel that you are incompetent or unable to handle daily life. He would tell me that I needed him in order to succeed in classes. That I was unable to write papers worth reading without his input. If I didn't get chores and homework done before he got home then I was a failure. Yet, I had to grade is papers but he went over everything because I wasn't able to follow a key.

• monitors your activities and demands to know every detail of what you did with your day or outing. He needed to know where I was at all times. he would call me and ask me where I was even when we were dating. After all, he "cared about me" and just wanted to make sure I was "okay" when I wasn't home when I said I would be. It got to the point I would ignore him on my phone but that ended when he came to "visit" me during our semester apart. Every semester I had to make a schedule for him with where I would be in class or work and what times. I had to let him know before hand (almost like getting approval) when I wanted to go out.

• throws things, yells loudly or calls you names when angry. Throwing things, not so much. Hurting himself, calling me names (bitch, cunt, whore, slut, cow...) and yelling as well. Yelling never came in the apartment because people could hear. It was always when we were in the car.

• keeps you from leaving the room during an argument. He thoroughly convinced me that leaving a room during an argument was immature and meant that I didn't care about the relationship when all I wanted was some space.

God, why didn't I see?!? Why did I let it get this far?!?
Click here for more information.

Like an ever-flowing stream...

Today and everyday...

jobs and such

Berry Sorbet with Splenda

INGREDIENTS (Nutrition)

DIRECTIONS

FOOTNOTE

101 posts

Japan, Day 3 and 4

Japan, Day 3

Japan, Day 2

Japan, Day 1

Decided

Yet another Meme: I'm doing it in blogger so I can't tag anyone!

Eggnog Frosting

Kaese Spaetzle

Cornbread

Expansion on Juno-gate and the Virgin Birth

Juno-gate and the Virgin Birth

Thanksgiving

Maybe I should talk about SoCal...

World AIDS Day

Sick and Tired

Future

Now that it's been over a month Part 2!

BWAHAHA

Now that it has been over a month

After all that...

I must be masochistic...

Lemon Ginger Cookies

cookies and cake!

Ugh

random youtube links

Cookies!

And when I feel like, I can feel once again, let me stay awhile...

Coming to you LIVE from the Careers Conference

Answers

Already done in Facebook, but hey why not?

It's been awhile

Promises

Resolutions part 1

What I hope to accompish in the next week

I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish...

Dilemma

Memory - What is your first memory?

The quarter-century club

Horrible, just horrible

Yum

meeting

RE: Your blog looks ugly

So Gosh Darn Excited!

evolution of my music tastes

"You think you're not worthy...

Big Sigh

How awesome it would be...

Decided

The hours I waste...

Say what, a new job?!?

I think, no I will, no, wait, wait ARG!

*snicker*

Kyon-Kyon

The Great Flood of '98

Melech 2001-2007

Pitchfork Music Festival

eww

This is why I think I feel so old...

Time

Guess my mood

After days...

Leaving a Facebook group

Self portrait #3: Joy and Pain

I just want to say...

Forgotten perks!

I'm home?

Today:

The next two days:

I will survive.

What have I done?

I think...

Part of the way done...

snicker